الصرااحة هالقصة أول قصة أحس ان البطلة عندها كرااامة حدها ....
تعجبنيييييييييي
CHAPTER SIX
RICHARD DIGBY took the manuscripts and went to his study to begin the work of finding publishers and translators for them. Already he was talking about simultaneous publication for the two very different works.
Mischa smiled at her slowly when Richard had gone. "He is very excited about this," he said. "He thought he would have to wait for me to write something, and here are two books ready and waiting."
"It amounts to a literary coup," Laddy said. "I should think he'll get a very good advance for you - perhaps he'll even put the books on auction. By this time next month you might be rich."
"Good," Mischa said, and smiled. He stopped for a moment and breathed deeply. "I am very tired," he said simply. "I tire easily."
It did not seem in the least odd that she should get up to stand beside him and stroke his forehead with a cool hand or that he should rest his head against her breast in fatigue, like a battle-weary warrior. It seemed fitting, like something that had been destined from before time.
After a moment she felt him take a long, deep breath, then he stood up and smiled down at her through what she now perceived was deep exhaustion.
"If I lie down here, you will stay?" he queried softly, and she nodded, unable to speak. Nothing and no one could have made her leave his side in that moment.
He lay on the long blue-flowered sofa in the shadowed part of the room, and she pulled a blanket over him, drew a chair up close and sat watch.
"Talk to me," he commanded quietly. "Tell me everything about your life that I have missed. Tell me about these past eight years." His voice began to grate with exhaustion. "I cannot speak to ask questions, so you must remember everything for me."
She told him then about university and her first job, the excitement of being a reporter, getting a job on the Herald, her father's death. She told him everything about herself, in a quiet, slow voice.
Everything - except the central fact of her existence; everything, except the fact that she had been in love with a memory through all those years - with the memory of a man of indomitable courage whom she had fully expected never to see again. She talked as though her only guiding light had been her work, her career. She told him only half a truth, because at twenty-five she no longer had the courage she had had at seventeen, the simple courage to touch his hand and say, "I love you," without knowing for certain whether he wanted that love or not.
She talked about learning of his release with only the faintest betrayal of emotion in her tone, talked about how Harry had rewritten her story, how she had worked to find him so that she could deliver his manuscripts to him.
But she did not tell him of the letters she had written him, all those years ago, the parcels she had sent - or the ache in her heart when she had finally stopped asking her father which prison he was in.
He might read those things between the lines, if he wanted to. Or if he asked her one question, she might have the courage to tell him all that she wanted to say.
But he was at the point of collapse. He did not speak at all; he listened, he heard every word. When she stopped speaking he said, "Your voice is like moving water," and turned his head and fell asleep.
"How LONG did you actually spend in prison?" Dr. Edmund Bear asked Mischa after dinner that evening.
"Of the past nine years," Mischa replied, "nearly six in prisons or camps."
While Laddy had slept that afternoon in the little blue-and-white bedroom that was prepared for her, Dr. Bear, a friend of Richard's and Helen's who practiced chiropractic and nutritional therapy, had come down from London to examine Mischa.
"Well," he said now, "I don't want to underestimate what you've been through, but you're in remarkable shape for someone who's suffered what you have for six years.
"Naturally, you'll have to take things slowly at first while you build up your health. But I've seen a number of exiles over the past few years, and I think you must have had the constitution of a horse to begin with."
Edmund Bear, a vital middle-aged man with warm brown skin and a strong Canadian accent, looked as though he had never suffered a day's poor health in his life. No doubt he knew about strong constitutions, Laddy thought, but she was remembering the sudden exhaustion she had seen in Mischa's eyes.
"That's not to say that you're not feeling hellishly weak right now, of course," Dr. Bear continued. "But with good food - Helen knows all about that - lots of rest and a little exercise, you'll start to recover, all right. There's no serious pathological damage. And the important thing to remember is patience. You can't recover nine years in a few weeks."
Laddy looked at Mischa Busnetsky sipping his coffee while he listened to Dr. Bear. Was he a patient man? She knew nothing about him - everything and nothing.
Richard laughed. "Are you feeling hellishly weak, Mischa? No one would have known it this morning!" He turned to his wife and Edmund Bear and smilingly explained, "If you can believe it, we were suspicious of Laddy here this morning, and while I was still wondering what to do, Mischa took her down in a flying tackle that would have done credit to - "
"What?" Helen stared at her husband in amazement while Laddy and Mischa exchanged a glance. For some reason Laddy felt herself blushing.
"Mischa held her down while I very tamely went through her handbag," Richard said, chuckling. "Fortunately, before too much damage was done, I found her name and remembered who she was."
Mischa held Laddy's eye. "Not before the damage was done," he said quietly, meaningfully, for her ears alone, and she remembered his body on hers and the way the grip of his hands had changed from anger to passion.... She could not look away.
"Well, there you are," said Edmund Bear. "The reserves of strength in the human body fool us every time. I would have said you couldn't easily have sustained such a shock."
And his glance flicked almost unconsciously between herself and Mischa, and Laddy understood with a little jolt that Dr. Edmund Bear had picked up on what was between them, while Helen - and perhaps even Richard - had not. She was at once intrigued by what had given him that sensitivity toward other people. Was it professional expertise or personal experience?
"You say you have treated other exiles?" Mischa asked him then, and Edmund Bear explained that he was a member of the ICF and usually looked after the treatment of the dissidents whose freedom the group had obtained.
"I would like to ask you about one or two people," Mischa said. "Perhaps tomorrow." Edmund Bear nodded.
"How long will you be able to stay with us, Ned?" Helen asked then.
"Just the night," he answered. "I'll have to get the train back tomorrow afternoon, I'm afraid."
"There's no afternoon train tomorrow. It's Sunday," Helen said. When she had first emerged from her studio before lunch, Helen had seemed rather remote to Laddy, as though she were seeing everything around her as a possible subject to paint. But Laddy had had to revise that opinion quickly. Helen Digby was an extremely practical and well-organized woman. "There's no train at all on Sunday. You'll have to stay till Monday."
Dr. Bear looked put out by this information. "I checked and double-checked with the railroad!" he said. "And I've got to get back before Monday."
"I'm going back tomorrow afternoon," Laddy said. "We can drive back together. It is London you're going to?"
Mischa Busnetsky was in the act of filling a pipe with tobacco. This quiet motion was arrested suddenly as he looked over at Laddy.
"You go back to your work - to your newspaper?" he asked, and he was as still as a cat.
"Yes," she answered. "Work again on Monday."
"Your last assignment, I think, was me," he said, still motionless.
Was it, she wondered. Yet it seemed as if an age had passed since she had asked Harry to let her cover Mischa Busnetsky's arrival in London. Two days. How many things could happen in two days! She gave vent to a surprised little laugh.
"Yes, that's right."
"And now you have found me," he said, an odd harshness threaded through his tone. "When you go back to your editor on Monday, will you tell him that?"
God help her, she hadn't even thought of that. Laddy's lips parted and she breathed through her mouth as she gazed at him.
"Oh, no!" she said, in dismay.
"You have quite a story here," Mischa pressed. He had everyone's undivided attention now; they were all watching him and shooting awkward glances at Laddy. "A Welsh hideaway, a literary agent, a doctor who is frequently consulted in the treatment of dissidents and two lost manuscripts that have a compelling story of their own." With his pipestem, he enumerated the points on the fingers of his left hand, his eyes calm, cool, and suddenly Laddy knew she was facing the man who had held his own against psychiatrists, investigators, prosecutors and KGB colonels; the calm patient power of his intellect was terrifying.
He didn't trust her. He could look at her the way he had looked at her, say what he had said - but he was as suspicious of her now as he had been when he had accused her of carrying electronically bugged cushions.
In the absolute silence that fell when he stopped speaking, he struck a match, and his eyes dropped to the flame while he lighted his pipe.
Inside Laddy's head the battle lines between the public and the private woman formed, and she was aghast at the speed with which she was suddenly at war with herself.
What a dry term "conflict of interest" was, she realized. It carried no emotional overtones at all. It made one think of a lawyer who had two opposing clients and cared about neither very much.
But she cared desperately about both her clients: Lucy Laedelia Penreith, staff reporter, who ought to file this story with Harry Waller; and Laddy Penreith, father's daughter, whose true love had come home against all odds, wanting peace and quiet after years of an unequal battle.
"How long would it be before you would be willing to talk to the press?" she asked tentatively.
Mischa, who had watched the battle beginning in her, said in that calm, cold, silent way, "No. I will not bargain for a few days or weeks of peace against an exclusive story. I have played enough games with my rights, my freedom, my life."
"But I could - "
"No," he said. "Not anymore. And not with you. Now I will live my life the way I wish to live, and other people will do the same with theirs. I have paid for my right to privacy and freedom. If you are going to take them from me now, you must make up your mind to steal them. They are not for sale."
She should have known he would be a no-bargains man - he had spent the past nine years refusing to compromise with the might of the Soviet government, and he would not begin with her. She had known it, had seen it in their first moments together in that crowded Moscow apartment: "I do not want to go to prison again," he had said, "but this is a choice that is not mine to make."
As far back as that she had wanted to beg him to give in, but his strength had been equal to spending five of the next eight years behind locked doors, and he was telling her now that it would be equal to anything she could do to him.
She knew if she could only tell Harry Waller that by keeping the lid on Mischa Busnetsky's whereabouts for two or three weeks they could have an excellent exclusive story at the end of it, Harry would agree. Of that she was certain...ninety percent certain, she amended.
But if she told him they were to keep the story quiet until Mischa Busnetsky decided to call a press conference - with no promise of advance warning as to when that would be? Of course Harry would not sit still for that. It would be a case of the story or her job.
She had two choices: say nothing to Harry Waller and hope that he would never find out that she had known anything at all about Mischa Busnetsky...
or file the story now and never hope to see in Mischa Busnetsky's eyes anything but the calm, cool look of a man whose rights were even more important to him than life.
She felt bruised, battered, torn. It would have been easier if he had asked her to die for him. She would not have required an instant's hesitation for that.
It was not merely a story. She could have let the story go by without a murmur. If he had asked the private Laddy Penreith, who loved him, to protect his privacy.... But he had deliberately confronted the professional woman. He had deliberately set his integrity against her own, and only one could survive. He had created an insurmountable problem out of nothing.
Which did she love - the memory or the man? If she loved the man, how was it he could not trust her, and why was she looking at him now through a blaze of anger and hurt and a desire to hurt back? Nothing made any sense.
"I will let you know my decision before I leave tomorrow," she said to them all, and saw in his eyes that he had already known it.
Laddy went to her room early, but not to sleep. Instead, confused, heartsick and weary, she paced up and down the small blue-and-white bedroom, trying to discover what she ought to do, trying to understand how so much could have happened to her in one day.
She looked down at her palm and with sudden impatience ripped away the small bandage that covered it. She stared at the razor-thin cut across the skin at the base of her fingers and at the deeper cut near the thumb as though she might read some truth there that was now escaping her. Then, with an exclamation, she pressed the sticky tape back into place.
Her room faced out the back of the house, down toward the village, and one by one in the lonely hours of night she saw the lights going out, until it seemed as though she was alone in the world - alone with an impossible decision.
Sometime after midnight she dressed again, crept down the stairs and slipped out into the night.
The air was cold and damp, and as always, the smell of the sea seemed stronger on the night air. Stumbling a little, Laddy made her way to the edge of the cliff and in the light of the stars found a convenient rock to sit on.
She sat for a long time with the stars and the half-moon and the quiet sea, thoughts washing in and out of her head at random. The decision came to her slowly, on the wind, on the waves, and she listened carefully. When she understood it all, she returned to the house.
"GOOD MORNING," said a friendly Welsh voice amid a tinkle of crockery that woke Laddy up.
She rolled over and looked into a younger version of Mairi Davies's bright dark eyes and upsidedown V eyebrows, and she said, smiling, "You must beBrigit."
Brigit smiled back. "So I am," she said. "And you would be the young woman from London who has people in Fishguard, would you?"
Laddy sat up, eyeing the tea tray with great favor as Brigit set it on the bed beside her, and laughed. "You might say that," she smiled. "My greatgrandfather was born in Fishguard a hundred and fifty-odd years ago. I was born in Canada. And I haven't been served breakfast in bed since I was nine years old and had the measles."
"Not breakfast," Brigit corrected her. "Just tea. Breakfast will be downstairs. When I took Helen a cup of tea to her studio she said you might appreciate a cup, too."
Bless Helen, thought Laddy. When they were all staring at her last night waiting for her answer, she had felt as though she hadn't a friend in the world. But Helen had cared enough to fortify her with tea - and a sign of friendship - before Laddy had to go downstairs and face them all.
"Thank you, I do," said Laddy. "I feel as though I haven't slept at all. Is it late or early, please?"
Brigit laughed. "It's just after 8:30, and how could you not sleep well when you are escaping the horrible noises of the city?"
"Maybe I've been programmed so I can't sleep in silence," Laddy suggested, taking a deep drink of her tea.
"Programmed, is it? Well, if you stay here long, we'll have you de-programmed in no time. And you'll never want to see a city again!"
Laddy regarded her quizzically. "You sound as though you're speaking from experience," she said.
Brigit, who was a dark, almost gypsy-looking woman in her early twenties, put her hands on her hips and shook her head. "Three years I spent in London," she said, as though she ought to have known better. "No one could stop me, you see. I went to study art, and I said I would never come back toTrefelin."
"And?" Laddy prompted, rather fascinated by this recital.
She laughed. "And the city was big and sophisticated, but it was also noisy and dirty, and no one said hello to their neighbors. Three years was enough. I came back to Trefelin." She glanced at her watch. "I must go now, or breakfast will be late."
Laddy put her empty cup down on the table beside her bed. "But what about the art?" she asked.
Brigit smiled. "Ah - for art you do not need London! If you are staying, I will show you my work one day, if you like," and she disappeared out the door.
Getting out of bed, Laddy eyed with a grimace the blue jeans she had worn yesterday and wished she had brought a change of clothing in her overnight case. She had tossed in nightclothes, fresh underwear and cosmetics, but she had thought the jeans and red high-necked sweater would serve. Now she wanted nothing so much as a fresh shirt.
She put on eye makeup and a little lipstick, although normally she would not have bothered. Makeup might give her confidence, and this morning she needed confidence.
The door to Helen's studio was open, and as Laddy passed it on her way to the dining room, Helen called to her. "If you'll hang on a second, I'll go with you," she said, laying down her pencil and standing up. "I'm famished." She crossed casually to the door and Laddy had the feeling that Helen had been waiting for her to appear. Helen was going out of her way to give her moral support, and Laddy wondered just how badly Helen thought she needed it.
Mischa Busnetsky, in black trousers and a black sweater over a check shirt, was standing at the trellised window looking out over the sea. One hand was in his pocket and the other hand was holding the delicate white curtain aside, and he was staring at the cliff edge as though it held the answer to a question he was asking.
After a moment he turned around, and when he looked at Laddy, the question was still there in his eyes.
"Good morning," they all said together, and Helen, keeping up a polite conversation by asking him how he was sleeping, began to load a plate from the sideboard.
Laddy sank into a chair and poured herself a cup of coffee. She needn't have bothered coming down to breakfast at all - she wasn't going to be able to eat, anyway.
"That glass," Helen was saying to Mischa, "contains Ned Bear's special protein-vitamin-mineral supplement and although it's quite pleasant when fresh, it does taste rather murky if it's been left to sit. So you had better have that first."
The glass she indicated was immediately opposite Laddy, and Mischa dropped into the chair and placed his large hand around the glass, looking at Laddy as he did so.
His hands were large and broad, but almost flesh-less, and she watched the fingers curl round the glass with a detached, almost aesthetic pleasure as she stirred cream into her coffee.
With an abrupt gesture he lifted the glass to his mouth, and unconsciously following the motion of his hand, she suddenly met his eyes. His eyes were looking at her as though she had already betrayed him and he had accepted it.
She said, "Would you like to hear my decision?" Mischa breathed once and nodded, as Helen sat down beside them, at the head of the small table, with a plateful of bacon and eggs.
"I'm surprised you've been able to make a decision," said Helen, and then Richard and Ned Bear walked into the room, making her audience complete.
"I won't file the story yet," she told them when they were all settled. "And I won't tell my editor I've got anything. I'll keep a lid on everything until Mr. Busnetsky - " she faltered a little over the use of his last name " - until Mr. Busnetsky decides that he is ready to talk to the press. And as soon as I hear that, I'll file a story. I'm not going to ask you again to let me have that information in advance. But neither am I going to wait in London and get the news at the same time as everyone else. I'm going to spend my holidays down here in Trefelin - I'll put up at a bed-and-breakfast - and as much extra time as I can get my editor to give me without telling him why." Finally she looked at Mischa Busnetsky, but his face was deliberately unreadable, his jaw clenched. "You've already said you won't accept any conditions for my silence, and I won't ask for special treatment. But I hope you'll give me equal treatment and notify me along with everyone else when and if you do decide to talk to the press."
A nd if I don't get my story filed a day before anyone else under those conditions, she added to herself, I deserve to be fired. She would check out some local photographers in Fishguard so that she would have them on call - in fact, she would bring back a camera from London - and while the members of the press were winging their way down to Trefelin or being drummed up in Fishguard or Cardiff, her first story would be on its way to Harry.
It sounded like the perfect solution, but in fact it posed several problems: how to get the extra vacation time from Harry, what to do if her time ran out and Mischa Busnetsky still had not come out of seclusion and what the hell she could say to Harry if the plan somehow backfired and he found out. Probably "goodbye," she thought, and snorted wryly. She looked at Mischa Busnetsky, who was no longer looking at her. Why was he doing this? It could all have been so simple....
"But you certainly are not going to put up at a bed-and-breakfast in town." Laddy surfaced with a start to realize that Helen was speaking. "You must stay with us while you're here. Much more comfortable for you, and anyway - " she looked round " - it would cause comment if Laddy were suddenly to go looking for a bed-and-breakfast in Trefelin."
"I needn't be that close," Laddy said. "I could put up at a hotel in Fishguard." But Helen quashed that with a firm, "Nonsense. You can have one of our cottages," and none of the men seemed inclined to disagree with her. So it was settled that Laddy would come back to Tymawr House as soon as time and Harry Waller allowed.
The atmosphere relaxed considerably after this, and Laddy saw that everyone was grateful to her for having discovered the way out of an almost impossible dilemma. She realized with some surprise that the attitude of Richard, Helen and Ned Bear toward her yesterday had not been the hostile suspicion she had imagined, but horrified understanding that Mischa Busnetsky's attitude, however justified it might be in view of his past, had succeeded in creating a corner and pushing Laddy into it. If she had not reacted like a paranoid idiot last night, she might well have enjoyed the benefit of a joint discussion of the possibilities with these three, instead of battling things out alone in the small hours.
Helen confirmed this as the two women took a quiet walk along the Coastal Path after lunch, a few minutes before Laddy and Ned Bear were to set out for London.
"How long will it be before you can get back, do you think?" Helen asked as they tramped single file along a particularly narrow stretch of the track.
"At least a week, I imagine," Laddy said. "My holidays don't start for two weeks, and I doubt very much if Harry will give me more than another week at the beginning and perhaps a few days at the end. I hope that's going to be long enough."
"So do I, for your sake. I shouldn't imagine that what you're doing is easy to manage, and I must say I think you're bending over backward. I don't think he quite understood what he was asking."
Laddy thought Mischa had understood exactly what he was asking. But she did not understand why, and she did not contradict Helen.
"Will you have to cancel other holiday plans?" Helen asked. "It's very pleasant here in late spring, but - "
But sitting around a country village, trying to protect her interest in an exclusive story, however pleasant the village might be, would not make up for missing out on an exciting vacation, Laddy silently finished for her. With a certain degree of relief she realized that Helen had no suspicion that there was anything between herself and Mischa beyond Laddy's loyalty, perhaps, to her father.
"No, I really hadn't made any..." she began aloud, and stopped dead, remembering. John. John had asked her to go to Greece with him. And she had wanted to go - or rather, she had wanted to want to go, until Mischa Busnetsky came.
"Oh, damn!" she said violently. She had thought seeing Mischa Busnetsky again would settle things for her, and instead her life was being turned upside down; she was more uncertain than ever. Laddy sat down uncaring on a dirty stile and gazed hollowly at Helen. "How could anybody get their life into such a messV she demanded savagely. And she saw Helen looking at her in dismay and knew that Helen did not guess what was going on in her mind. Well, how could she? How could anyone know when she herself did not know? She was utterly and completely confused - she didn't know what she wanted, what was right, who she loved, for two minutes together.
Laddy sighed and looked out over the sea. The decision she had made out here last night meant that she was going to lose John Bentinck, she knew it.
Part of her loved Mischa Busnetsky, and part of her hated him.
CHAPTER SEVEN
ON THURSDAY the news came out that two major publishers - English and American - planned the simultaneous publication of two works of Mikhail Busnetsky, and thanks to Richard, the story broke in the Evening Herald under Laddy's by-line.
It was going to be a very noisy affair. The publication of two very different books by a newly released Soviet dissident was going to make literary headlines. And where had the manuscripts come from? Had Mischa Busnetsky managed to bring them out of Russia with him? People were tearing their hair out trying to find Mischa Busnetsky, but Mischa Busnetsky remained very successfully in hiding. They had to be satisfied with Mr. Busnetsky's agent, Richard Digby.
"What we're telling them," Richard said to Laddy over the phone the day after she had broken the first news, "is merely that the manuscripts had previously been brought out of the Soviet Union and were awaiting him here. We're deliberately leaving it rather mysterious. If you would like to let out the real story on that, we rather hoped - the publisher and I, not Mischa - that you might do that a little later on, Laddy."
Mischa Busnetsky might hate publicity, she observed wryly, but Richard did not - and he was going to do everything he could to assure good coverage while stopping short of actually countermanding Mischa's wishes.
"Did you tell the publishers the truth?" she asked.
"No. I merely mentioned that there might be an interesting story attached to that," he said. "We thought it might be better broken closer to the publication date."
Quite a story indeed, Laddy thought wryly, thinking of the flurry that would be kicked up if she were to suggest that her father's last act had been to obtain the manuscripts and that he had then died under mysterious circumstances. She sighed. Thank God that information resided in only one brain - her own.
And in that of whoever had run down her father in the street, of course. But she thought that the secret was safe between them.
"Aren't you afraid they're going to find him through you?" she asked Richard.
"We hope not," he replied. "I'm afraid I'm stuck here in town for the next few weeks until he feels strong enough to speak to the press, however. It wouldn't do to have me followed down there. But the house has always been in Helen's name. The town flat is listed as my residence."
"Still, I'm surprised he agreed to this."
"I'm afraid once we'd chosen our publishers there was no alternative," Richard said. "They have paid a very large advance, you know, and the news wasn't likely to be kept quiet. Possibly nothing will be kept quiet for very long," he added. "One never knows. When are you going to get down again, Laddy?"
To sit on her story, he meant, in case somebody enterprising found Mischa Busnetsky.
"Not before Tuesday, I'm afraid," she said, grimacing across the newsroom toward where Harry Waller sat and remembering the difficulty she had had getting even those few extra days.
"Will you be going down for the weekend, then?" he asked. Today was Friday. She could leave tonight and drive through the night again, but... but she was tired - exhausted - and suddenly she didn't care if this weekend, Mischa Busnetsky exposed the entire Soviet spy network operating in the Western world. She was sick of the dispassionate words she had been writing about him, sick of seeing Mischa Busnetsky as "good copy." She wished he had been a factory laborer in Murmansk who had never looked at a piece of anti-Soviet propaganda in his life. Let the story break this weekend. Let Harry pack her off to the astrology column.
"No," she said. "I've got to spend the weekend packing and arranging. I expect I'll go down on Tuesday night or Wednesday morning."
"Well, then, I'll talk to you again before you go," Richard said. "Will you give me your home number - just in case?"
She gave it to him, realizing there was a small conspiracy between him and Helen. If an enterprising reporter located Mischa Busnetsky this weekend, Laddy would know within five minutes. She wondered why they were taking such care of her. For her father's sake?
She wrote the follow-up story Richard had given her on Mischa, then talked to a stringer in Jerusalem about a recent border raid from Lebanon in which four Israeli children had been killed on the beach near a place called Rosh Ha Nikra. The story had been on the front page all day, and the stringer had nothing new to report other than a general conviction that there would be reprisals.
"Shalom," the man said as he hung up. The Israeli word for both hello and goodbye also meant "peace," and Laddy sighed. Everybody talked about it....
"The world is not as we would make it," she heard a quiet voice say in her head, and she sat upright with a jerk. "Shut up!" she told Mischa Busnetsky's insidious voice, to the amazement of the blameless reporter at the typewriter beside her. She smiled a weak apology at him, rolled paper into her typewriter and concentrated on the inevitability of reprisal for the lives of four children who had been shot down while playing on a beach on a sunny day.
"OH, LASS...why not?" John asked quietly, his northern accent thickened through emotion. He dropped the menu onto the table and looked at her.
He had arrived back in town Friday afternoon after three days of getting pictures of an oil-rig disaster in the North Sea, and they had come to Charlotte Street to their favorite Greek restaurant for dinner. And she had told John she could not go to Greece with him.
Laddy looked away from his blue gaze, feeling a confusing swirl of emotions in which guilt vied with anger for predominance. She supposed she would never know now whether John Bentinck could have made her forget Mischa Busnetsky, because after this he would not be trying.
She was being forced into a decision that might or might not have been the one she really wanted to make. She could not go to Greece with John, and she would never know whether she had wanted to.
"John, I can't tell you," she said desperately. "It's business. I' 11 be waiting for a story to break - "
He interrupted her. "You're giving up your holidays to wait for a story?" he demanded, amazed. "Must be some story - What is it, the capture of a mass murderer?" He was half-serious.
"No, no, nothing that big," she said hastily. "But I've given my word to someone not to file a story until they - "
He interrupted again. "Well, hell, love," he said. "You don't have to hang around waiting, do you? Write the story up and get them to cable you or Harry when it can go! You know that."
She did know that, and as soon as he'd said it, he realized there had to be something more.
"Well?" he queried softly.
"John, they won't do that. They won't give me an exclusive.... I have to be right there when they decide to - "
"Now, just let me get this straight." He sounded as though he were battling to keep incredulity out of his voice. "You've got a story, and you've agreed not to file till someone gives the okay, but you haven't got the promise of an exclusive?" He spoke each word separately, small measured pauses between, as though he thought one of them might have trouble understanding.
Laddy nodded. He was right; it sounded absolutely incredible. She should never have embarked on this explanation.
The waiter appeared at his side, and John glanced up as though he had come out of a time machine.
"I'm not hungry, Laddy," he said. "Could we get out of here?" And almost before she agreed, he stood up, apologizing briefly to the waiter and passing him a couple of pound notes. He pulled her coat from the chair and flung it over his own arm, shepherded her rapidly past the tables and then outside.
They walked in silence to where her car was parked behind his at the curb. He opened the passenger door of his own car and she got in. "Damn!" he exclaimed suddenly. "I can't even drive you anywhere!" He slammed the door and walked around to climb in behind the wheel. He turned to face her, his arm along the seat back in the gloom of dusk. "You're not being honest with me, Laddy," he said roughly. "I want you to be honest with me. Tell me anything, lass, as long as it's the truth!"
But what was the truth, she wondered hopelessly. "Everything I've told you is the truth, John - so far as it goes. I can't tell you any more because - because I don't understand it myself, yet."
"It's a man," he said flatly, and raised a hand against her gasp. "Don't deny it - I know. Somewhere between last Thursday night and tonight you met a man, and he's - he's turned you upside down, Laddy. Dammit!" He hit the steering wheel with his hand. "How could it happen so quickly? How? We had something going, Laddy, I - "
"It wasn't quick at all." She could not stop herself from saying it or keep the pain and bitterness from her voice. "I knew him years ago, he...."
"He's come back?" John hissed softly, a light of anger, danger in his eyes.
Startled, she gasped, "Who?"
"I always knew there'd been someone," he said. "But I thought he was gone, out of the picture. I always knew there'd been someone who'd hurt you."
She said, "He couldn't help it, John, but I---"
"But you think you still love him," he said flatly.
"I don't know."
"But while I go off on my holiday alone, he gets a chance to prove that you do, is that it?" he demanded.
"No..." she faltered. "There's a story - "
Abruptly he pressed the starter and the engine leaped to life with an angry roar, then he held the wheel and looked straight ahead out the windshield.
"I hope I never learn the bastard's name," he said angrily. "I hope I never do. If you change your mind, call me."
She got out of the car and stood on the pavement and watched as he roared off down the street.
LADDY SPENT most of the weekend with Margaret and Ben Smiley in the garden, unaccountably wishing that she had gone down to Trefelin after all. She did not hear from John over the weekend, and she didn't see him at work on Monday. She wondered whether it was by accident or design.
Monday night at six o'clock a wealthy gold dealer was shot down in London in the street outside his home, and Harry phoned her late that night to ask her to cover it first thing Tuesday morning.
She was somehow quite certain that John would be at the scene the next morning, and she wondered with a sinking heart what they could say to each other. But he was not there. Laddy had been so convinced John would be covering the story, that for a moment she did not recognize the man who was, an old Herald hand named Bill Hazzard.
She and Bill spent most of the day between the "scene" and the hospital waiting for news. And during the long pointless wait it occurred to her that John might have asked Richard Snapes not to send him on the same assignment as-herself.
But that was paranoid and ridiculous. John was a professional photographer and he put that before everything; there had been many occasions in the past two months when they had not worked together for days at a stretch.
She knew she was not functioning well, and she was glad there were no intricate Middle-Eastern developments today to follow and report.
Laddy set out for Wales on Wednesday in greater confusion than when she had left it ten days before.
MISCHA BUSNETSKY had set up a study for himself in one of the cottages on the property. Both of what Laddy had thought were outbuildings were in fact self-contained cottages that Helen and Richard had had modernized - though not as extensively as the house - to serve as guest quarters. The house itself was not large enough to accommodate guests comfortably over a long period.
"For one thing we've only one bathroom," Helen explained. "But Mischa still sleeps and eats in the house - I'd be worried if he was sleeping in the cottage with no one within easy distance in case of accident.
"I've put you in the other cottage. The two are quite close together, but I don't think you'll get in each other's hair - I hope not."
The cottages were at right angles to each other, and at their nearest walls, the remains of an old construction that might once have been their common animal shelter ran between them. The walls were white stucco and the roofs and shutters were black. Large worn flagstones angled across the courtyard between the two front doors.
"They're charming," Laddy said delightedly. "I don't remember them at all from when dad and I were here."
"They were pretty broken down - you were probably expected to keep away from them. We had them done seven or eight years ago."
She showed Laddy into the cottage that lay farthest from the house, at a right angle to the cliff face. The door opened directly into a pretty little kitchen that had been repaired, painted and supplied with running water and electricity but still retained much of the flavor of the original.
"We had to have the floors entirely redone - " Helen pointed out the brick-red ceramic-tiled flooring " - but I didn't want the cottages turned into chrome-and-glass monstrosities."
To the left of the kitchen lay a completely outfitted bathroom, which Helen said had once been a pantry-storage room. To the right was the sitting room and through it the bedroom. The fireplace in the kitchen had been removed, Helen told her, but the one in the sitting room was working. At the far end of the cottage, the bedroom overlooked the sea.
It was like something she had dreamed of, a place she had always known. "I don't suppose you'd consider selling it?" Laddy asked. "I'd retire here and write a book." She had always planned to write a book someday - she might do some thinking about that during the next two weeks.
"Isn't it odd you should say that," said Helen. "Richard and I agreed only the other day to sell the other one to Mischa."
"Oh,"saidLaddy.
Although Helen said Laddy was welcome to take all her meals at the house and particularly hoped to see her every night for dinner, Laddy thought she would prefer to make her own breakfast and lunch, and when she had moved her luggage into the cottage, she drove down to the village store for supplies.
It was a beautiful warm spring afternoon, and Mischa Busnetsky was standing in the open doorway of his own cottage when she returned with her shopping, as though he had been waiting for her.
"So - now I have the press on my doorstep?" he asked quietly, and moved across to take one of her bags and open the door for her.
He was wearing black trousers and a black-and-white-check shirt rolled up at the elbows; there was appreciably more flesh covering his frame than ten days ago. His short black hair now had the look of soft fur, and it crossed her mind that it might be rather pleasant to touch it.
He wasn't serious; she laughed. "In fact, I was even thinking of putting in an offer on this little place, till I learned you were buying the one next door!"
"And why did that change your mind?" he asked lazily, his eyes smiling, and it was as though the hostile suspicion of last week, when he had accused her of wanting only a story, had never existed.
"I rather thought you might complain," she said nervously, setting her bag on the table, and when she turned he was close behind her with the other, and he was very tall and broad.
"About what?" he asked. "The distraction?" He moved to put the bag down, and then he was very close indeed. He put his hands on her shoulders and her body jerked as though electricity had passed through her between his two hands.
"You did not publish the story of my whereabouts," he said. "Why?"
Laddy blinked at him. "Did you think I would!" she gasped, amazed.
"No," he said. "I was not sure. Why did you not?"
His eyes were so deep, she could have drowned in them. She thought wildly that if she let herself fall into those eyes she need never come up for air again. She swallowed.
"Helen told me that this could mean great trouble for you, that you might lose your job for it," he said when she did not answer. "Is this so?"
"I would lose credibility with my editor if he found out," she said. "But there's no reason why he should." A week ago she had been hating him for putting her in this position, and now here she was telling him it didn't matter. She must be mad.
"This word 'credibility' - it derives from the Latin credere, to believe?" he asked, and this was a jump she could not fathom. She nodded dumbly.
"Your editor will stop believing in you because of me, therefore?" he concluded, and she gazed in admiration at an intellect that could translate from English to Latin to Russian and so add another word to his vocabulary.
" But this is no small thing," he said. " I was wrong to make this demand of you when it is so easy for me to promise you an exclusive story." She had stopped looking into his eyes; she was staring at a small white button on his shirt front. "I will promise you an exclusive story," he said quietly, "but I will make a condition." He put his hand under her chin and raised it, and she looked into his eyes. "On this condition," he said, and he was half smiling, but his eyes were dark. "That you tell me why you did not publish my whereabouts last week."
To her amazement she felt herself blush fiery red. She gazed up at him, unable to speak, unable to tear her eyes away from his. He was not smiling anymore. He was staring at her and his breathing had altered, and she watched his gaze slide to her mouth and her lips parted in a faint gasp.
The hand under her chin shifted, and she felt his thumb gently tracing her mouth. With a clarity so vivid it shocked her, she saw his hand touching the lips of the woman in the painting, and his touch was a burning brand on her mouth, and eight years melted away to nothing.
"Mischa..." she begged. He bent his head, and at last, at long last, his mouth touched her own.
It was the kiss they would have exchanged in that Moscow apartment if he had kissed her then, and in some extraordinary way, the girl who lifted her arms passionately, trustingly, around his neck and clung to him was a seventeen-year-old girl who had only just learned the secret of why she had been born a woman.
He took his mouth away from hers, and she moaned her loss as his lips followed the line of her neck down to the hollow of her throat, and she pressed his head with her two hands and trembled. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes, then pulled her tightly to his chest and held her.
"How I have dreamed to see you tremble for me," he whispered, and she could have wept at the perfection of it. He looked down into her face, her head cupped firmly in one large hand. "And you have no husband, no lover?" he asked.
"No husband, no lover," she whispered.
"Not for a long time, too, I think," he said quietly.
She dropped her eyes and said, "Not for a very long time. Not for eight years."
She counted the seconds till he understood, and he went completely still. Then his hand was in her hair, pulling her head back, and his eyes raked her face, harsh, almost angry, his own face all planes and angles in the shadowy room.
"You will learn about love from me?" his voice rasped in his throat, and it was half question, half command.
When she could speak, she breathed, "Yes."
His broad hands encircled her face, her head; they trembled against her hair as though if he let go his control he might crush her, and she shook as his emotion enveloped her. "Why?" he demanded hoarsely, and she knew it now, she could say it now, it was so clear.
She said, "I love you."
His eyes darkened as though she had struck him, then he drew her body against the length of his, and the passion in his eyes blazed down at her. His thumb touched her lips, parting them, and he bent his head and his mouth covered hers; she went up like dry underbrush and heard the flames roaring in her ears.
He lifted his mouth from hers and buried his face in her hair. "Lady, Lady," he repeated hoarsely, over and over, as though the sound was being torn from him.
"I love you," she said, wrapping her arms tightly around him. "I love you so much." And she tasted the first heady joy of surrender to love without restriction, without fear. With a groan Mischa buried his face in her neck, and his body, pressed so tightly to hers, was burning, flaming with his need of her. His face pushed away the collar of her shirt as his warm seeking mouth ran over the hollows of her neck and shoulders, then her throat and finally found her mouth again. His broad hands touched her body as though they would remold her at breast, waist and hip....
His hand left her hip then and reached up to wrap itself in her hair, stilling her for a moment as he gazed into her eyes.
"Never?" he asked, and his eyes were slitted with pleasure, with triumph, knowing the answer.
"Never," she whispered hoarsely, and his body leaped against hers so that she closed her eyes against the confusion of desire in her.
"Open your eyes," he commanded huskily, the hand in her hair shaking her head a little. "I have waited a long time to see this in your eyes. I thought I would wait forever. Open your eyes and let me see."
She opened her eyes with effort, and his eyes were gazing down at her, his mouth half smiling.
"What do you want to see?" she breathed, indescribably moved by the hungry possessiveness of that smile.
"I want to see what I have dreamed of seeing," he said softly, the silver thread of need glittering through his tone. "I want to see the first surprise of passion; I want to watch your innocence taste desire."
On the last word his voice roughened, and his hands dropped to clasp her denimed thighs. With a drunken, reeling sensation she felt the length of her torso slide up against his untfl her hips were above his belt, and aware of him in every pore, she looked down at his dark head and watched his involuntary tremor as he pressed his face to the hollow between her breasts.
He buried his face inside the confining folds of her shirt, his mouth moving moistly against the creamy fullness of her breasts, leaving a trail of fire and a high aching longing that she scarcely understood. Her hands pressed against his head, against the sensuous panther pelt of his hair, forcing his mouth against her skin; she felt his mouth as it kissed her breast.
"Yes," he said huskily, pushing his head back against the pressure of her palms, the mat of his hair fanning sensually against her incredibly sensitized fingers and his passionate, triumphant eyes glittering up into hers. "You see how your body makes its demands... my mouth against your breast now, but it shall want more than this before we are through...."
He kissed her mouth again. She was drugged with passion, with wanting him. When he straightened, holding her, and turned, she scarcely knew what was happening until the world reeled and she felt the hard table top under her back. She opened her eyes to see him standing between her thighs, his hands on her prominent hip bones warm through the thick denim of her jeans and his eyes burning into hers. Her eyelids fluttered as she drew a sudden breath through her teeth. Then he dropped forward over her, a hand falling on each side of her head, and smiled down at her.
"Lady," he whispered, his mouth tantalizingly near her own. "Lady, Lady, Lady." He repeated her name in a passionate whisper, sending a frenzy of sensation down her spine into her arms, her stomach, her legs.
"Love me," Laddy pleaded, almost beside herself, feeling as though she had moved into some new dimension of consciousness, of existence. "Please love me."
"I do," Mischa said, and it was a promise. "I will."
Some barrier around her heart that she had never known existed began to crack then, and she understood that she had been a prisoner behind that barrier, that the barrier was her own self and that soon she would be free.
"I love you," she cried again, and the words were the distillation of a truth so profound she thought the world should shatter in its presence; and she heard the rasping intake of his breath in answer.
Her body was long since operating on a primitive Instinct. Her hands moved over him, his back, his iiead, his thighs, wherever she could reach. His chest lifted away from hers and she arched up in search of the contact again. He held her head tightly, firmly, so that she could not move, and his hand on her jaw held her mouth open. The teasing kiss stopped and he deliberately lowered his mouth over hers in a thrusting, urgent, powerful kiss that told her more plainly than words exactly what he wanted of her. In answer to that same primitive instinct, she wrapped her arms convulsively around his back.
The kiss was destroying her, turning her bones to water, her flesh to fire, blotting out reason so surely that she felt she would never need to think again. She felt him tremble at the response of her body and his kiss deepened in fever and intensity. His hands ran along the length of her arms, and his fingers threaded between hers and clenched, holding her immobile; the knowledge that she was completely in his power burned white hot in her, and with every cell of her being, every iota of body, brain and soul, she wanted him to take her then, there; she cursed the thick rough denim that kept his body from her, kept him from making her a part of him forever.
As though that final yearning ache was transmitted to him, he lifted his mouth from hers and let go of her hands to stroke her hair. His jaw clenched tightly and then his mouth moved in a smile.
"I will," he promised roughly, "but not yet." And when she understood what he meant she fell dismay rip through her like a scream.
"Why?" she gasped, as though truth, beauty and life were all being torn from her at once, and she reached to hold his head as he moved to straighten up.
Mischa became still when her hand touched him, as though in spite of himself he was a slave to her touch. "Because I am going to court you," he said, his voice low and caressing. "Because I am going to teach you slowly about love - so slowly that you will hate me, so slowly that we will both be mad before you have learned. I will teach you that you are seventeen and a woman, as I would have taught you then. And each one of our eight lost years we will reclaim with love."
She closed her eyes and felt tears on the lids, and immediately his mouth was tender on her lashes.
"Lady," he said. "My Lady." And through the ache of loving that suffused her she could hear that this decision was hard for him; he was in her power as much as she was in his, could not stop now unless she allowed it - and suddenly she wanted him more desperately, more profoundly than ever.
"No!" she cried, reaching for him.
He caught her hands determinedly and his voice ground out, "Yes."
But he had to fight both of them - her desire as well as his own. She had for opponent only his determination, and she wanted him with every cell of her being. "Mischa!" she moaned, as she had done in that Moscow apartment eight years ago.
And as though she had called down the canyon of time, she heard the echo, "Mischa...Mischa!" in a high young voice. Only when he let go her hands and moved to disentangle her legs from his did she understand that it was not her own voice she had heard, but that of a young boy. A boy who was knocking on the door of the other cottage and would doubtless soon turn toward Laddy's cottage and the door that still stood open to the setting sun.
CHAPTER EIGHT
"MISCHA, " the young voice called, and Laddy raised herself first to her elbows and then to sit on the edge of the table. She gazed at Mischa as he pulled away from her and took a long shuddering breath. She felt as though she had been suddenly jerked into another world, and she shivered as though that world was achingly lonely and colder than the one she had been inhabiting; as her passion left her, an anger born of her sudden loneliness took its place.
"Friend of yours?" she demanded sarcastically as the knocking on that other door continued.
Mischa nodded, holding her gaze with an expression in his eyes that said he delighted in her anger, and she snapped, "His timing's excellent. I don't suppose you bribed him?"
Mischa laughed outright, and his hand touched her cheek caressingly. "Yes, this is good," he said, the laughter dying out of his eyes. "Find anger, and hatred, too - for we will take every emotion imaginable to our love bed."
She gasped against the sudden twist of emotion that churned in her, and he bent and kissed her with a sudden and swiftly curtailed passion.
"And every emotion will be destroyed," he said, "save love and the innocence in your eyes."
Running footsteps sounded on the flagstones, and he moved away from her toward the open door. Laddy dropped her head forward onto her heaving chest and tried to calm her breathing.
"Hello, Rhodri," she heard him say.
The young Welsh voice, full of admiration and hero worship, burst out, "There you are, then! You've moved into this cottage, have you?"
"Not I," Mischa explained. "My friend from London is staying here."
With heightened sensitivity she heard jealousy in the tone that repeated, "Your friend?"
In response to the answering jealous pang that scratched through her, she jumped off the table and moved over to stand beside Mischa in the doorway and smiled down at the thin, dark young boy whose gaze, when it transferred to her, held a worried frown.
"Lady, this is my friend Rhodri. Rhodri, my friend Lady."
Rhodri smiled up at her in sudden relief, and Laddy knew that he was responding to the warmth of Mischa's voice and the double use of the word "friend."
"Hello, Rhodri," she said.
"Hello, Lady."
She heard her changed name on his wide lips with a little shock, for somehow when Mischa said her name, she had never really heard it as anything other than "Laddy" in an accent that charmed her. She opened her mouth to correct the boy, and instead she was saying, "I was just going to make a cup of tea. Will you have some with us?"
"Oh, yes, please," he said. "If it isn't too much trouble.... I could go and take tea with Brigit, you see," he added in some anxiety, as though to dispel any suspicion that he might have come in search of a meal.
"No trouble at all," Laddy said, moving back into the kitchen and over to the table. One bag of groceries - not the one with the eggs, she devoutly hoped - was on the floor, the other on the table squashed up against the wall. It was a compelling reminder of what had just transpired, and as she stood up from the floor holding the bag, Laddy's eyes met Mischa's; to her annoyance, she blushed.
Mischa checked a sudden, involuntary move toward her, and suddenly all her anger was destroyed, wiped out by the knowledge that he could never have been proof against her if she had held him and begged him to make love to her. She stared into his eyes over Rhodri's head, the smile broadening involuntarily on her lips still swollen from his kisses, her eyes telling him she knew he loved and wanted her as much as she loved and wanted him.
"More," he said quietly. "But you will learn."
Laddy turned abruptly away from him to set the groceries on the counter.
"You know Brigit, then?" she said to Rhodri. "Brigit up at the big house?"
"Oh, yes, I know her, she is my sister, you know!" Rhodri laughed.
"Is she!" Laddy exclaimed, unloading the bag. It did hold the eggs, and four were broken. "And are you, by any chance, twelve years old?" She put the eight whole eggs into the straw basket on the counter and carefully poured the meat of the broken ones from the cardboard carton into a bowl. At the price of eggs in Trefelin, she would use them to make an omelet.
"I'll soon be thirteen," Rhodri said, with the air of a scientist setting the facts straight for a layman.
"Well, then, you must be the family genius. Brigit talked about you last time I was here." Laddy filled the kettle and put it on the stove, then went back to where Mischa and Rhodri sat by the table to get the other bag of groceries. -. In Rhodri's young eyes she saw a reflection of the dark intensity of Mischa's, and the two could almost have been father and son. Husband and son, her heart amended, and with an intensity that swamped her, she suddenly wanted to have Mischa Busnetsky's child, she wanted to create someone who would be a part of them both, a child who would sit across the table from its father as this one did and smile at her from dark, intelligent eyes....
The feeling washed through her and left her in the space of a moment, but Rhodri had seen the look in her eyes, and Mischa had seen it, and the young boy smiled at her in a responsive kinship. The three of them were suddenly inside a bubble of sunlight, united by the bond of intelligence and dedication - and, incredibly, by the ties of love.
Laddy smiled at Rhodri as though he were the son she had had eight years ago when she had first met Mischa Busnetsky, and a warm sense of belonging settled on the room.
"Well?" she prodded, the sunlight bubbling into laughter inside her. "Are you a genius?"
His smile was remarkably broad. "Oh, yes," Rhodri laughed. "And you are, too, I think, and for certain he is!" He flashed his engaging grin up at Mischa.
"But of course," Laddy said, moving to the stove as the kettle began to whistle. "So then what would two geniuses like for tea?"
"That depends," Mischa interjected, "on what the third genius has to offer." And he stood up with the other bag in his hands and walked over to the counter.
She loved every pebble in creation from the dawri of time, every blade of grass, every living creature,! Surrounded by a warm glow, the three of them laid the table and made toast with cheese and chutney and talked over the meal as though they had been friends for a hundred years.
Rhodri Lewis's passion was archaeology, in particular the prehistoric archaeology of Wales. It was his burning conviction that cave painters had lived in Wales, and his great ambition was to find an example of cave art. And he believed he would find it near Trefelin.
"You see, here we are beyond the line of the furthest extent of the ice during the Wiirm glacia-tion," he said excitedly to Laddy, when she had asked him why. "From above Fishguard down through to Land's End, you see, was beyond the glaciation." He began to trace a map on the table with his knife. "But in Cornwall and Devon, the west coast faces the ocean. Here on the peninsula we face Ireland, you see. And the water level, then, it would have been lower. Perhaps St. George's Channel would have been only a river. The caves along out here - " he waved an arm toward the cliff edge " - would have looked down a valley to a river. You see, it was cold during the Wiirm glaciation, and you would not wish to face straight out to the ocean in arctic weather, would you?"
"I see the logic of it," agreed Laddy, who had been dredging up the very few and long-ago learned facts she could remember about the earth's history. "Better to be in a river valley even if it were a little farther north, than facing out over an arctic ocean."
"So," Rhodri said, taking a hasty sip of tea and throwing an approving smile at her, "they would have chosen to live between Fishguard and St. David's Head, and on the Bristol Channel and the English Channel."
"And why right here at Trefelin?" Laddy asked. "There must be a lot of caves between Fishguard and St. David's Head."
"I need a map," Rhodri said, as Laddy, realizing that the sun had set and they were sitting in near darkness, got up and put on the light. "Because we are on Pen Mawr here, and when the water level was lower, from the caves here you would have been able to see the whole length of the river valley."
"Will you show it to me on a map sometime?" Laddy asked, as Mischa, who had crossed over to his own cottage a few moments before, returned with a pipe and a tobacco pouch and began to press some strongly scented tobacco into the bowl.
"Perhaps you will come with us one morning when we explore the caves?" Mischa said, raising a questioning eyebrow first at Laddy and then at Rhodri. "Rhodri explores the caves nearly every morning, and sometimes I go with him."
"Saturdays, too, when my work is done," Rhodri said, clearly delighted at the prospect of having them both exploring for proof of his theory.
"Well, I'd love to come," Laddy said, rather taken not only by his theory but by Rhodri himself.
"It's wet," Rhodri said, as though he had better tell her the worst of the matter before she got to it. "Cold, too. And dark. But you will dress for it, won't you?"
The three of them were engrossed in their conversation and with one another, and the pool of soft light seemed to encase them in its protective glow, so that when the knock came on the door they all jumped, as though surprised that there was anyone else in their world. Laddy jumped up and opened the door to Brigit.
"Helen asked me to tell you that dinner's in an hour," she said to Laddy, then looked over Laddy's shoulder into the lighted kitchen.
"Are you here, then, Rhodri!" she exclaimed. "I wondered where you had got to. If you're not home soon, Mairi will be sending out the searchers. Good evening, Mischa."
"Good evening, Brigit," he said, a cloud of smoke encircling his head.
"Dinner in an hour," she repeated for his benefit. "Your special drink is in the refrigerator if you want to have it now. I'm going home now, Rhodri. Do you want to walk with me?"
Mischa and Laddy stood in the doorway as the two walked off across the field in the dusk, and silence fell between them. Mischa removed the pipe from his teeth and knocked it against the stone wall, and they watched the glowing embers drop to the grass.
"I have smoked shag for too long," he said, smiling ruefully. "Nothing else is strong enough."
"Shag?" she repeated, her voice, like his, subdued in the darkening dusk.
"Shag is a very strong, coarse tobacco," he said. "All we could get in prison. After a while one gets accustomed to it."
The darkness was increasing perceptibly, and the warm glow of the kitchen light spilled out between them as they leaned against opposite doorjambs, staring across the fields toward the slowly appearing lights of Trefelin.
"God damn them!" she said suddenly, fiercely, the cry coming out against her will.
He turned his head and she felt his gaze rest on her. "You will have to say it," he said with weary acceptance. "Say it all."
"I couldn't say it all in a million years!" she burst out. "I hate them, I hate all of them, and I'll hate them forever!" Her body was rigid against the doorpost, and she kept her gaze fixed in the direction of Trefelin, but she was not seeing a small, peaceful village at night. Her brain burned with what she saw. "I looked at that boy tonight," she said, "but do you know what I saw? I saw you!" Her voice was cracking with emotion that was almost impossible to control. "I saw back twenty years to what you must have been - a brilliant, intense child, so full of life, so... so...." A sob caught her unawares, and she swallowed, choking on it. "And what did they do to you? What did they do? They took away your books; they threw you in those horrible places and they took away your books and your paper and pens. They tried to take away your mind, too - and they're sorry they didn't succeed! I hate them for that and I'll always hate them! They took away eight years of your life! That's what they did to reward you for your brilliant mind - they put you in a place where you got accustomed to things - where you got accustomed to smoking shag and eating a starvation diet and torture and things I have to grit my teeth before I can even read about them!"
Laddy was shaking now and breathing in jerking gasps, but still she did not look at him. His eyes were on her, unflinching, and she knew what look of quiet resignation she would see in his eyes if she turned her head; she did not want to see it. "And I hate them, and that's all I can do - hate. I want to kill them all - I want to scream at them the truth of what they really are, I want to rip the lies away and show them the truth, and then I want to tell them I hate them and wipe them off the face of the earth! And I can't - I can't! I'm powerless, helpless, impotent; I had to stand by and let them do that to you, and all I can do is hate them!"
The tears were pouring down her cheeks; she could no longer stop them, nor could she speak. But she held her head up, refusing to submit, and finally turned to meet his gaze.
It was not resignation but fierce pain that burned in his eyes as he watched her, and she stared at him in shocked immobility, as though a knife had stabbed her abdomen.
"Oh, God," she moaned, but he continued to watch her as though the pain was of no account.
"Lady, say it all," he commanded quietly, and then what she felt ripped its way through her. She sobbed uncontrollably and gasped out the burning anguish and pain of having loved him, knowing that each word, each sob was like a knife stabbing him, but unable to stop, incapable of holding it back any longer... knowing that her greatest sin lay not in the fact that she was hurting him, but that she was forcing Mischa to be strong enough for both of them; Mischa, who had had to be unremittingly strong for so many years and who had a right now to rest.
When it was finished she turned away from his gaze, wiping her face childishly on her sleeve, and said hoarsely, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mischa. It was unforgivable."
Her sleeve was soaking and she stared down at the black smears of mascara across the blue and white of the plaid and wished that she had died before doing what she had just done.
"It was not as difficult as you think," Mischa said quietly. But she had seen what was in his eyes and she knew he lied. Two gentle hands touched her cheeks and tilted her face up for his tender kiss. "But it will not happen again," he said. "You must not hate them anymore."
"I love you so much," she said quietly.
"Lady, I love you," Mischa said, his deep voice gentle, like a night breeze. Then he pulled her to his chest, his arms encircling her, his hand enfolding her head.
He held her while the breeze turned cold and the first stars appeared in the black sky, her hands curled close against his chest, protected and enclosed by him. She was safer than she had ever been and she knew she was safe forever.
LADDY DRESSED slowly, lovingly, relaxed and mellowed by her warm bath and the glass of wine she had sipped as she lay in the scented water. The silk of the burgundy caftan slid sensuously over her shoulders and hips, and her skin responded tremulously, as though, like a snake, she had lost the hard outer layer of skin and what was left was highly sensitized.
The caftan had a stiff high neck around a narrow front opening that plunged to the hollow between her full breasts, and she piled her hair loosely on her head with the help of combs and put on gold loop earrings. She looked like some pagan high priestess; the knowledge sparkled in her eyes, and she caught her lower lip suddenly between her teeth. If she had any power over Mischa Busnetsky, she had it tonight or not at all.
She took the flashlight from the kitchen and made her way across the field in the cool spring darkness. Halfway to the house she paused, shutting off the flash to stand in the light of the early stars and the subdued murmur of the sea against the cliff face.
Mischa, coming from the big house to fetch her, found her there, motionless in the starlight, and he took the flashlight from her nerveless fingers almost harshly.
"What are you doing?" he asked, his voice deep. "Calling up an ancient god?"
With his thin broad figure encased in black turtle-neck, black jacket and black trousers, his dark eyes frowning down at her, Laddy could almost imagine that that was what she had done. "I think so," she said. "I think it worked." And she felt as though she had drunk an entire bottle of champagne.
"What worked?" Mischa asked.
She smiled up at him. "The spell," she said, surprised to hear how seductive her own laughter could sound. "I cast a spell to call up an ancient god, and I got you."
His movement toward her was involuntary, and she looked into his eyes and felt his hand on her throat, firm against her chin. "Yes?" he said. His voice was subtly threatening, as though he dared her to go on.
"Yes," she said, licking her lips against the tension that was building up inside her. "Only I'm not the high priestess, you know. I'm just dressed up like one." She smiled slowly at him. "Actually, I'm the sacrificial virgin. The one who was locked up in the temple for the sole enjoyment of the god. And if she wasn't pleasing to the god he never came to her little room, and she just pined away, because she loved the god desperately, more and more as the years passed - "
In silent fury his mouth covered hers, stopping her words in her throat. He pulled her against him, her hands flat on his chest. His hands ran along her shoulders, her arms, then he clasped her wrists tightly and held her away from him, but not before she had felt his body's stirring response. The knowledge of her power left her shaken.
"What do you want?" he ground out. "To be taken without ceremony on the wet spring grass?"
She whispered, "Yes."
But he only bent to pick up the flashlight, flicked it on and, gripping her fingers, led her through the night to the big house for dinner.
Afterward she could never remember what or if she ate. She remembered the color of red wine against a white cloth, and she remembered Mischa Busnetsky's hands in the soft light, and his eyes, and his mouth and music. But whether the music was real or imagined she did not know. And in the end it was drowned out in the electric tension that hummed in her ears, deafening her even to the sounds her own mouth was making. And then finally the evening was over, and with his arm around her, Mischa guided her back across the field to the cottage with a light in the window.
He opened the door for her, pulled her to him and kissed her. "You are so very beautiful," he said, "but tonight is not yet time."
She came to with a sudden cheated cry, moaning his name, and his arms tightened convulsively around her. His hands began to search through her hair for the combs that held it up. He took them out one by one and buried his face in the thick hair as it fell. The sudden weight of it slithering over her shoulders charged her senses and she clung to him, moaning her loss when he stood away from her. But he only gazed down at her, shaking his head.
"Why?" she cried.
"Because hunger, too, is a pleasure. And we will learn that pleasure first."
And, not wanting to, he left her.
CHAPTER NINE
"WHAT are you working on?" Laddy asked the dark head bent intently over the papers spread out on the table. She was standing at the open door of the other cottage, the morning sun warming her back through her cotton T-shirt.
Mischa Busnetsky raised his head and smiled at her, his eyes warm, approving, and she felt as though the sun had unaccountably shifted direction and now warmed her face.
"I am transcribing a book from my head to paper," he told her. "And what are you doing?"
"Just...watching you," Laddy said, with the sudden conviction that that activity might be enough to occupy her for the rest of her life. She straightened away from the doorpost and moved into the kitchen that, except in the color of the fittings, was almost the twin of her own. "Transcribing from your head?" she repeated. "Do you mean you have an entire book in your head?"
"There was a shortage of paper in the prisons," he said. "And a necessity to keep sane. During my last sojourn, I wrote a book in my head and memorized it. Now I write it down." He gestured to the paper-strewn table top. "But I am not sure enough of my English."
It took a moment for that to sink in, and then she gasped, "You wrote a book in your head in English!"
Mischa stretched a hand out to the pipe in an ashtray near him and began the process of cleaning and filling it. " It was a method of keeping sane," he said.
"I must say I think that writing a book in a foreign language in your head and memorizing it is a project that would drive most people mad," Laddy exclaimed, and she gazed at him, absorbing the fact of his truly awesome intellect with a respect approaching fear.
"Not you, however," he said matter-of-factly, as though she were protesting too much. He reached for a pile of handwritten pages. "If you have a few minutes, might you read two or three pages at random and see if my English requires a great deal of work?"
Laddy hungrily eyed the pages that he held. They were covered in thick black writing. "I'll read them all," she offered, dropping into a chair opposite him.
He looked at her in surprise. "Do you not have your own work?" he asked.
"I'm on holiday. And my work if any, is you."
In the act of gathering up the manuscript, Mischa paused, his eyes holding hers while his slow smile warmed her. "Your pleasure, too, I hope, will be me," he said softly.
Her heart leaped violently in response. In that moment Laddy knew exactly how Mischa intended to court and torment her. She realized suddenly that it was a delight she had never experienced before, that he meant to tear perfection out of the jaws of eight years of horror and emptiness for both of them. As the frisson of love and desire that trembled along her breath reached her throat, she laughed.
"That will depend," she said huskily, "on whether your pleasure is me."
His eyes narrowed at her in glinting admiration, as though a fencing opponent had pinked him, and she felt the heady excitement of embarking on a battle where losing would be a victory.
The week that followed was drenched in joy. It seemed to Laddy that the world was changed: colors were richer, scents were thicker, sweeter; the sun shone more brightly than she had ever seen it. Sometimes she stared at the new spring leaves that were opening everywhere around her and wondered how she had never before understood about the miracle of growth, creation, life.
In that week Laddy came to learn the joy of waiting, came to delight in the knowledge that her body was entirely sensitized to his, as though she were swimming in a cold fresh lake or climbing up a steep mountain into rarified air. She was electrify-ingly clearheaded and alive in every pore. And the power that she and Mischa had over each other was a constant torment, a constant delight.
She was with Mischa almost constantly. They ate breakfast and lunch together and dined at the big house with Helen in the evenings. They went walking almost every morning, sometimes with Rhodri to explore his caves, and sometimes the three of them drove to archaeological sites nearby - to standing stones or tombs or Roman ruins, while Rhodri told their history. In the afternoons, Laddy made notes for the series of articles about Mischa she had begun to envision, while Mischa transcribed his novel at the kitchen table in his cottage. Laddy also worked with him to put it into more flowing English without destroying his powerful personal style. It was hard work, but after a few days she began to cultivate a sixth sense, an instinct that told her what he wanted to express.
Every moment of her day, every cell of her being, was steeped in happiness. She would lie beside Mischa Busnetsky's length on a grassy ledge overlooking the sea, listening to his voice or his quiet breathing in the sunshine, and feel herself on the highest possible peak of happiness; then later, watching his dark, intent head as he worked at the table, she would feel a jolt of emotion so profound it was like being kicked over the heart, and she understood she had scaled some new peak whose existence she had never known before.
When he held her and kissed her, her heart was molten gold. Mischa taught her about love slowly, as he had promised - as slowly as he could. At the end of a week he was still teaching her the hunger, and they were taking an immense delight in tormenting each other, with words, with looks, with unexpected caresses. Laddy was catching up on what she had missed at fifteen and sixteen, when instead of dating she had traveled with her father, and at seventeen, leaving Mischa Busnetsky in that Moscow apartment as she had to. And it was slowly borne in on her that Mischa was for her the single embodiment of every lover a woman has in her life: he was her first young love, her mature love, her true love... her only love. There were times when, giggling, she would have chalked "L.P. loves M.B." in a heart all over the pavements of Trefelin, and times, when he held her, that she could have sobbed out all the pain of a lifetime against his chest.
Laddy began to imagine that love was the last stage in the evolution of man, that one day she might wake up and discover herself part of a new species. The need to have him love her became an ache.
One morning more than a week after her arrival, Laddy's sleep was disturbed by a tapping at her bedroom window. In her dream she opened the door of the small cottage, and when the knocking continued she saw that there were many doors to open, and she flew through the cottage in her dream, opening door after door onto huge, richly furnished rooms that were filled with light.
"This is a palace!" Laddy exclaimed aloud, and awoke. The tapping was at the window over her bed, and exuberantly she knelt on her pillows, pulled back the curtains and opened the casement windows wide to a beautiful sunny morning and the figure of Mischa Busnetsky.
"Good morning!" she said in delight, the bubble of joy within her breaking down into a thousand little bubbles that spilled into her blood and sang along her veins.
"Good morning," Mischa agreed, coming close enough to lean over her through the window. She was wearing a plain masculine pair of red-and-white striped pajamas, but he looked at her as though he found the sight pleasing. "You are very beautiful," he said huskily, "and I should have known that I ought to wait until you were dressed and your eyes and hair had lost the memory of your bed." His hands on the windowsill, he bent down and put his face into the tangled cloud of her hair and left a kiss on her throat that burned against her like fire.
She gasped, and his mouth moved over her neck and down under her collar to her shoulder. Suddenly she was aware that his hand was at the top button of her pajama jacket; as though he became aware of the fact in the same moment, he drew back. He looked at her.
"In the question of breakfast," he said, taking a deep calming breath, "will you walk with me along the Coastal Path, and we will take our breakfast as a picnic?"
She laughed. When he stood back from her, her body swayed involuntarily toward him; she had no more control than if he were a magnet and she a stray piece of iron. He was asking her if she would go with him as though there were some possibility of her saying no, and he did it deliberately. He made her choose to be with him, always.
"I would love to." She smiled at him, then said meaningfully, "Shall I bother to get dressed?"
He took a ragged breath and laughed in the admission that she had scored a point.
"Yes," he said, "get dressed. When the time comes, it will not pain me to remove your clothes."
Game, set, match. All the butterflies in her stomach rose in a fluttering swoosh. She dropped her eyes and busily began disentangling herself from the sheets and got off the bed. "Give me twenty minutes," she said with forced calm, as though he might not have seen what effect he had had on her, and fled from his laughing face.
When she had showered and dressed, they walked up to the house and, finding Brigit in the kitchen, begged picnic supplies from her. Chatting to them about the routes they might take, Brigit found an old haversack with a tartan rug strapped to the bottom and helped them stow breakfast inside.
"You won't be wanting to carry along your special drink," she said to Mischa. "Why don't you drink it now before you go - I've got it ready, waiting." As she and Laddy added cutlery and napkins to the haversack and closed it, Mischa leaned against the counter and drank the creamy liquid.
"There now," Brigit said. "All set." Mischa slung the strap over one broad thin shoulder and set his glass in the sink. "If you should happen to see Rhodri this morning, would you tell him he's got twenty-two minutes to get himself to school?" Brigit smiled.
As it happened, they did meet Rhodri, walking up the Mill Path as they walked down it, carrying his knapsack and flashlight.
"Hello!" he called up to them delightedly, scrambling into a run by the ruins of an old mill that had closed in 1839, shattering the town's economy. "Were you wanting to come out with me today?" He was full of excitement, coming toward them in uncontrolled little bounds, like a young mountain goat in spring.
"Wje'd be too late for that," smiled Laddy. Two morning adventures had taught her that Rhodri liked to get started with the sun. "Brigit asked us to remind you not to be late for school."
His dark eyes were brimming with news and he gazed up at them, almost transported. "Oh - school!" he said dismissingly.
Mischa hefted the knapsack more comfortably on his shoulder and said, "What have you found?"
The broad young grin swept from ear to ear as Rhodri gazed up at Mischa, then disappeared quickly, and his eyes became serious. "A rockfall," he said. "A cave I have been in before, too, and never noticed it. It was shallow, you see, and most cave paintings are deep in dark caves."
"What's a rockfall?" Laddy asked.
"The back of the cave is not bedrock," he said. "The ceiling or walls have collapsed, you know, and perhaps there is a much deeper cave behind. And then, you see, perhaps this happened so long ago that no one has been inside since prehistoric times, and if something had been in the cave, perhaps it would be preserved."
Rhodri turned away from them to look back along the beach that ran southwest of the Mill Path, then glanced at his wristwatch. "I wish I could take you now and show you," he said impatiently. "There is a groove on the wall, you see, right by the rockfall...."
He had their unwavering attention now. "A groove?" said Mischa. "A carved groove?"
Rhodri nodded. "It could be."
"I think, Rhodri, you need to take an archaeologist to the cave."
But Rhodri shook his head vigorously. "Not till I've found something," he said flatly. "I would like to show you now, but they say if I am late for school one more time - "
"Show us tomorrow then," Laddy suggested. "If it's lasted fifteen thousand years or so, it'll last another day."
Rhodri laughed, looking up at them warmly but saying impatiently, "School! They teach me nothing except the Wars of the Roses!" He ran by them up the Mill Path and turned and called to them, his knapsack banging against his leg, "Tomorrow morning, early? It is a promise?"
"Promise!" they called back, and watched him disappear over the rise before moving down to the stony beach. It was very warm for spring, and the air was fresh, clear, intoxicating. Laddy wanted to fling her arms out and spin like a dervish; she wanted to leap into the water and swim down and down to the strange realms under the sea....
"He is so certain," Mischa said beside her. "One begins to think he has a special knowledge." He spoke musingly, as though to himself, but Laddy knew that he was talking to her. It was part of their extraordinary closeness that at times they seemed to think with the same mind.
"Perhaps he does," she said. "Perhaps he knows there are cave paintings here because fifteen thousand years ago he painted them himself." And she could almost believe that. Nothing seemed completely impossible to her anymore.
They walked at a leisurely pace along the shore that led past the foot of the cliffs back in the direction of Tymawr House. They passed the mouths of black wet caves, some of which they had explored with Rhodri, and then there was no more shore. A rather difficult ascent led up what might have been a dry waterfall bed to the cliff top.
They were then back on the Coastal Path and Tymawr House was behind them, white in the morning sun against the fresh spring green that enclosed it.
They passed farms and clambered over stiles from field to field, even their unhurried progress causing the sheep that ranged the cliff top to run off in baaing clusters when they suddenly took it into their woolly heads that Laddy and Mischa represented danger.
The sun climbed the clear sky and warmed them in their exertions until, with unerring instinct, Mischa turned off the path and moved down to the cliff edge and jumped over onto a grassy patch that had sunk a few feet down the face of the cliff, creating a sunny protected platform that was one of Rhodri's discoveries.
Mischa had dropped the knapsack and was unstrapping the rug, and Laddy moved to help him spread it over the thick rough grass. This sheltered place, protected by an outcropping of rock on both sides, caught the sun most of the day. She slid her denim jacket off and stood, in her blue plaid cotton shirt and blue jeans, in its rays.
It was not as warm as she thought, and she shivered a little and dropped onto the blanket. Laddy watched with pleasure as Mischa's two large hands pulled their food from the knapsack and laid it on the blanket between them.
"I'm starving," she said suddenly, rather surprised that after years of having an appetite for nothing but coffee in the mornings she was actually looking forward to breakfast.
"Good," he said, smiling over at her and tossing her an orange. "I, too."
She peeled the orange and ripped it apart, watching the juice droplets spray up and sparkle in the sun, her heart thudding hollowly. She wondered how it could be that she was so constantly aware of him, physically, emotionally, mentally - as though she were near a power source surrounded by a heavy electronic field.
Mischa sank into the grass-supported blanket as he finished off his own orange, and she saw how his body enjoyed the sensuality of the rough blanket, the softness underneath and the sun. He smiled at her.
"After a certain amount of time in prison," he said quietly, as though this were part of a conversation they had begun long ago, "your mattress gets very uncomfortable. Your sleep is broken, you wake up at intervals to get up and shake the lumps out of this thing they call your mattress, but no matter how you shake or beat it, the lumps are still there." She moved closer to him, and he drew her head down onto his warm shoulder and stroked her hair. "And then you realize that it is not the mattress at all, but your body. You are so thin that the lumps that stop you from sleeping are your own bones."
She accepted it wordlessly because she had to, because he had lived it, and she could only share it with listening. They lay in silence for a long time. "I sent you letters," she said at last. "My father always found out what prison you were in, and I wrote you."
"We were allowed only a certain number of letters each month," he said, his hand stopping its stroking motion to hold her head gently as though in comfort. "Often only one, or two. Sometimes I knew when you wrote, but I could not receive your letters. There were letters I had to have, from people on the outside, in Moscow, people who were fighting for me, who were sending me important information." He moved, and she felt his kiss on her brow. "But I knew when you wrote, and when the letters stopped I knew...."
When the letters stopped he knew she had found a lover, he meant, and she wrapped her arm around his chest and held him tightly.
"No," she said.
He kissed her brow again, his lips light against her skin. "No," he repeated quietly. After a moment he moved up onto one elbow, his face above hers, his eyes watching her, full of tenderness. Laddy's heart leaped in a response so deep it was almost pain. She brought a hand up to his cheek, and he caught it with his own hand and turned his face to press a kiss in her palm.
"Mischa..." she began quietly, and he placed her palm against his chest and dropped his hand to thread his fingers in her hair.
"Lady?" he answered.
"What was the worst - " she faltered " - what was the worst thing of all, the hardest to bear?" She spoke softly, quietly, but her voice was threaded with tension, with pain, with her need to share his anguish and horror. He gazed down at her, understanding, his fingers gently stroking her hair.
"In the end," he said, after a long pause, "the pains of the spirit hurt much worse than the physical tortures, the deprivations. When you cannot trust anyone, inside or out, the number of your friends grows smaller and smaller. Then you lose these friends to death or to the West... or because they have recanted, have betrayed you and everyone who is fighting. That is worse than if they had died, worse than looking at your own sure death."
For some reason it shook her to her foundations. That betrayal should be worse to him than starvation, cold, deprivation, injustice, imprisonment - the whole catalog of torture that through her father she had become so familiar with. Betrayal - in conditions where betrayal must surely have been the order of the day.
This was something she knew, something she could understand. If he had said the tortures, the cold, the isolation, how could she have hoped to understand, to share? She had never experienced even the smallest brush with real physical deprivation. But betrayal she knew and understood - and she had known it was the worst pain possible in the world from that moment when, at the age of six, she had sat in a classroom and heard her best friend tell the teacher, and thereby the whole class, her deepest secret. She could not remember now what the secret was, but she had never forgotten the pain of being betrayed.
Betrayal was the one unforgivable sin, and from that day to this, anyone whose loyalty had failed the test ceased to be her friend as irrevocably as if he or she had died. And she was looking into the eyes of a man who understood that and who would never betray her.
"I love you," she said, and it seemed as though * no human language could encompass this truth.
"I love you," said Mischa Busnetsky, and drew her body against his and held her as though he would never let her go.
IN THE AFTERNOON, Helen left to spend a few days in town with Richard, and Laddy spent the early evening in her kitchen preparing a perfect dinner for Mischa and herself - the first they would eat alone together since her arrival. And she thought that tonight it would not be so easy for Mischa to leave her at the end of the meal.
When it was nearly ready she showered and slipped on the wine-colored caftan. She brushed her long hair over her shoulders, humming to herself as anticipation began to build slowly in her stomach. Her face was fresh and faintly colored by her days in the spring sun, and she used only a touch of mascara and a hint of perfume before she cast a last glance at the table and set out, barefoot, to tap on the door of Mischa's cottage. He should have come over before this.
Mischa had moved his belongings from the big house into his cottage shortly after Laddy's arrival more than a week before, but there was no answer to her tapping, and after a moment she opened the door and slipped into a dark kitchen.
"Mischa?" she called softly, a sudden irrational fear beginning to tinge the heady anticipation that bubbled in her blood. She groped her way to the sitting-room door in the near blackness of the cottage and saw with relief that there was a faint glow coming from a lamp in the bedroom. Mischa still tired easily, and Laddy was used to his dropping down for a sudden catnap whenever fatigue overtook him.
The sound of a tortured groan suddenly wiped the smile from her face and sent her headlong to the door of the bedroom, breathless and afraid.
Fatigue had overtaken him after his shower, for he wore his black toweling bathrobe, and the pillow slip was damp under his dark head. He lay half on his side, half on his back, one arm above his head, the hand on the blue pillow clenched into a fist, the other lying across the mat of dark hair where the robe fell open over his bare chest.
The golden glow of the lamp beside the bed fell softly over the bed and over his sleeping shape, revealing in its mellow light Mischa Busnetsky's tortured face. He was in the grip of a nightmare.
He moaned again and called out hopelessly in Russian something she did not understand, and Laddy flew to him and knelt on the bed beside him, softly calling his name.
His forehead burned as she gently stroked it, whispering his name over and over; his jaw clenched and relaxed, and suddenly his eyes were open, burning into her own. The torment left him as he recognized her, and then, so suddenly and devastatingly that it blinded her, she saw a naked, unprotected need of her that had its roots in the depths of his soul.
"Lady," he whispered, as though it were a prayer. "My God, Lady, Lady!" Suddenly she was in his arms, breathless with being pressed tightly against him, her face against the pulse beating . powerfully in his throat and his buried in the softly perfumed cloud of her hair.
"Lady, I need you - " The words seemed torn from him, his voice was cracked with emotion; then his mouth found hers and clung with a need so fierce that her own need of him burst the careful barriers she had set up against it, swamping her, carrying away fear, reason, self.
"Ya lyublyu tibya, " he said against her lips, her cheeks, her eyes, his mouth urgent against her. And then, in English, "I love you, Lady. Do you hear it?" His mouth found her throat and the deep hollow between her breasts, which were unconfined under the burgundy silk.
She cried, "I love you, I love you so much!" and heard her own voice break on a sob. Every barrier was down; she was reduced to her essential being. It was a tearing, aching joy, like birth or death. And she knew there could be no drawing back for either of them now.
He took her not in passion but in love, from the deep well of their need. His body found hers with a deep, thrusting urgency, as though the union of their bodies would make them one being for all time; she accepted the sudden tearing pain from the same deep need, remote from pain as she floated formlessly and drowned in the dark, dark eyes that accepted everything she ever was or would be.
He held her head in his two hands at the last and kissed her and cried out against her lips in passionate release. She knew she had made him tremble as he had said she would so many years ago; her senses staggered with the knowledge, and she thought there was no greater joy the world could bring her. She clung to him, knowing that at last she was perfect, at last she was complete.
Mischa was stroking her face, her hair. "Lady, you are so beautiful," he whispered, touching her long body, golden in the lamp glow. She reached her arm around his neck and gazed into his loving eyes. "You, too," she said achingly. "So beautiful - " He wrapped both arms convulsively around her while his eyes devoured her face. "I am afraid I will lose control," he whispered hoarsely, "that one day I will break your body against mine---When you wake me from such a nightmare I am lucky you are still whole...." His arms tightened on her again and his eyes were dark. She gasped, "What is the nightmare?" "You," he said quietly. "You, walking down those stairs away from me, and I maddened with the need to stop you, to keep you with me. But I cannot cry out, and when I try to run after you they are holding me back - KGB men, Party members, sometimes my friends - and every time I tear one off my back another clings to me. And you do not know, you do not look back...."
Passion leaped in his eyes and he bent and pressed his lips to her throat, her breast. "Stay with me tonight," he whispered, desperate need in his voice, his mouth, his roughly caressing hand. "Lady, Lady, I can never hold you enough!" A wordless cry was torn from her, and Laddy arched her hungering body desperately against his, and they clung together as though they had both been starved of love since birth.
"Laddy? Mischa?" A woman's voice, high with emotion, pierced the night, and then came the sound of an urgent, desperate knocking on the door of Laddy's cottage.
"Rhodri? Laddy? Mischa?" the voice begged, and they both recognized Brigit's voice, unnaturally high and strained.
"Something's happened!" Laddy exclaimed, their bodies reluctantly parting as the world burst in on them. She found her silk caftan on the floor and pulled it over her head while Mischa slipped quickly into his robe and knotted the belt as he moved to the bedroom door.
Laddy was beside him as he pulled open the front door of the cottage onto the courtyard, lighted by the rays from Laddy's kitchen lights. The startled face of Brigit Lewis turned from the other door to gape at them in surprise and, after a moment, dismay.
"Brigit! What's the matter?" Laddy called, running barefoot over the cool flat stones to the other woman.
"Rhodri," Brigit said. "It's Rhodri - oh, we were so sure he would be with you, I rushed right over the moment we thought of it.... He's missing, Laddy. When it got late we checked with his friends, and he wasn't in school today - "
"Not in school!" Laddy and Mischa exclaimed in unison.
Mischa said quietly, his deep, quiet voice somehow calming Brigit: "We passed him this morning on the Mill Path, and he was on his way to school then."
"He never got there," Brigit said wretchedly, her eyes growing large in fear. "Oh God, do you think he was picked up by someone?"
Laddy and Mischa exchanged a swift glance, and Laddy's voice was filled with calm certainty as she said, "No. I think he went back to his cave."
CHAPTER TEN
THEY FOUND HIM when dawn's first long tendrils were snaking over the horizon to illuminate the cold mist that hovered above the sea and the cliffs. They had searched and called through numberless black caverns throughout the night, stumbling and sliding over smooth damp rocks, somehow fighting aching fatigue and near exhaustion, and going on.
When the light from Mischa's flashlight and the graying mist fell on the jagged back wall of a much shallower cave than any they had previously searched, it caught at Laddy's memory, and she gasped in sudden hope. "Mischa!" she said. "Didn't he say it was a shallow cave?"
The flesh of Mischa's face in the faint light was drawn tight with fatigue and self-discipline, and she knew that he was too ill to be taking part in such a prolonged search, but his stamina seemed somehow to come under the control of his enormous willpower.
"Yes, you are right," he said. He led the way into the cave, the light of his torch moving systematically over the walls and the sloping floor.
"Rhodri!" Laddy called, and at the same moment Mischa's light, moving along the jagged, sloping back wall of the cave, caught in its glare a spreading pile of angular rocks that lay on the floor of the cave and ran partially up the slope of the back wall.
Their two figures were gripped in sudden immobility, and then the light moved swiftly up the wall almost to the ceiling and found a narrow jagged hole of empty blackness.
"Rhodri!" Laddy called again, scrabbling up the loose pile of rock toward that sinister hollow darkness, and they both gasped to hear the faint response.
"I'm inside!"
"Thank God!" Laddy's voice cracked with relief and fatigue. "Rhodri, are you all right? Are you hurt?"
"Just my leg," Rhodri answered, his voice tired but bright. "And I'm awfully thirsty."
Clinging with one arm through the tunnel he had made, Laddy tried to see into it, but the light of her torch seemed frail against the darkness. Mischa climbed swiftly up beside her with his more powerful light, but even its glare seemed to be swallowed by the blackness.
"How could he have dug such a deep tunnel?" Laddy asked in faint horror, imagining him caught in its suffocating narrowness deep inside.
"All right, we have water, Rhodri," Mischa said in his deep calm voice. "Can you see the light?" He held the light steady with his left hand and slipped the knapsack of supplies they had carried all night off his right shoulder and dropped it at his feet.
"Yes, I'm nearly underneath it," the little voice said.
"Underneath it!" Laddy exclaimed, suddenly gripped with the irrational fear of the unknown. "How can he be underneath - has he fallen into a hole?" In the back of her mind was the fear that Rhodri was so ill he was delirious, but she did not say it aloud.
"More likely into a cave behind this wall," Mischa said.
In the steady light, they examined the jagged walls of the tunnel that soon disappeared in blackness. It was flat and narrow - too narrow for Mischa, it was obvious after a moment.
"I can get through," Laddy said, and Mischa glanced down at her as he bent to set down the lamp. He slid out of his dark-blue quilted jacket.
"I will fit," he said matter-of-factly. "I am used to squeezing through small spaces. We used to go under the fences every night to get some shag to the men in the box." He smiled at her wryly. "I am, in fact, ideally suited to this rescue."
Leaving her the smaller torch he took the more powerful one, lifted his arms and the lamp and eased into the opening, his shoulders filling the space so that it seemed he would become wedged.
"Mischa!" Laddy said, watching his legs as they scrabbled up the wall. "It's too narrow! The ceiling - "
She broke off with a short harsh scream as his legs disappeared into the tunnel with a scraping sound. In the light of her torch there was nothing but blackness.
"Mischa!" she called hoarsely.
Then his white face was in the light of her torch only a few feet away, and Mischa smiled into the glare. "A large cavern," he said calmly. "I am going to look at Rhodri. Get the water canteen out of the knapsack and call me when you are ready to pass it through." Suddenly his face was gone.
"Lady, you come, too!" Rhodri's voice called through to her. "I want you to see!" The excitement in his voice was unmistakable, and stopping only, to take the water canteen from the knapsack, Laddy put her arms and head through the hole and began to work her way into the opening as Mischa had done.
The tunnel, which had seemed to go on forever, was only three feet long, Laddy discovered, and within a few moments her head was projecting into a black cavern on the other side of the wall. The floor was higher on this side of the cave than on the other, as was the ceiling, and a few feet below her in the lamplight she saw Mischa's tall figure bending over the thin form of Rhodri, who sat on the cave floor, his back resting against the wall. In the light of the torch on the ground beside them, the faces of both Mischa and Rhodri were thrown into harsh relief, white plane and black shadow, and some essential kinship of character between them was revealed, as though in this eerie darkness Mischa had met his childhood self, or Rhodri the adult Rhodri.
Laddy let the canteen slide out of her fingers to the ground and, finding purchase on the sloping uneven wall beneath her, lowered herself almost noiselessly to the floor of the cavern beside them.
Suddenly the harsh glare of the lamp was in her eyes and Mischa cursed once in Russian. "What the hell are you doing?" he said, his strongly accented voice coming angrily out of the blackness behind the torch's blinding glare. "Did not you hear me say you must stay on the other side?"
"No," said Laddy, shielding her eyes from the light as she sat up, and abruptly the torch's glare was on the wall above her.
"That is a rockfall!" Mischa said harshly. "If the roof comes down again while the three of us are behind it, no one knowing where we are, what then?"
He was right. A thrill of fear pulsed through her in a split-second response to his words. Then she got to her feet, breathed deeply and smiled at him in the darkness.
"Well, we might all die together," she said, "but somehow I think you'd dig us out by sheer force of will."
"If you were on the other side of the wall I might," he said, his voice in the blackness glittering with an emotion she could not decipher. "When you are with me what could tempt me to want out of this cave?"
The light on the wall flickered as his arm found her in the near blackness, and she was pulled against his body and kissed passionately, ruthlessly, angrily, his body bending hers back with the force of his need of her.
Every nerve of her body stirred with the memory of what had occurred between them in the early hours of the night that was only now turning to day, and she clutched at him, but already he was forcing her away.
"Go back," he said. "It is foolhardy for all of us to be in such a place. And I must look at Rhodri's leg."
"Not yet," Rhodri said suddenly, the hoarse weakness of his voice startling Laddy so that she instinctively bent to the ground to grope for the water canteen she had dropped. "Don't go yet - I want you both to see it."
"I brought the water in," she said.
But Rhodri interrupted passionately, "Never mind the water, look at the wall!" And they understood in that electrifying moment that Rhodri did not care if his leg was mashed to a pulp and he died of thirst; it was more important to him that they look at what he had discovered. Without another word, Mischa directed the torchlight against the wall beside them.
The massive chest and shoulders of the great deer leaping bloodred in the torch beam startled Laddy so much that she leaped backward. So intent had they been on finding the boy and so exhausted had they become, that in the past few hours she had scarcely spared a thought as to why he was here.
"Rhodri!" she cried, her voice an amazed incredulous squeak. Mischa's light had wavered in that first moment of discovery, but now the beam was steady as he explored the maddened eyes and great tossing antlers of the animal and its huge, black-outlined body. They stared in silence for a long moment.
"Well done, Rhodri," said Mischa quietly, commendation woven through his voice like a laurel. "What period is this?"
"I think it must be Magdalenian," said the boy. Pride and a scientist's excitement burst through his tone, as at last he had a chance to say what had been whirling around in his head throughout the night, to the audience he preferred above any other. "The use of perspective, of the natural shape of the rocks, the color - there's a whole scene running right down that wall...."
While he spoke, Laddy and Mischa gazed at that dark-red, maddened animal, obviously stabbed through with spears, and at the scene of leaping animals that continued down the wall to a point beyond which the light of the torch could not penetrate. The colors and shapes were almost alive under the steady beam, and there was no doubt as to the talent and intelligence of the artist.
A deep sense of kinship grew between the three in the cavern as they silently drank in the proof of the ancient intelligence of their own species.
"How old is it, Rhodri?" Laddy asked softly.
"If it really is Magdalenian, it must date from ten to fifteen thousand B.C." he said, and she absorbed that in a kind of reverent silence.
"And no one has seen it since then - until now?" she asked.
"That will be hard to say; it will depend on when the rockfall occurred. And perhaps there will be other artifacts." He paused. "I must phone the museum," he said quietly, his voice just reaching them as Laddy and Mischa slowly followed the ancient artist's progress down the cave. "They will send someone to look, and then everyone will want - to come." His voice was filled with satisfaction.
"How far does it continue?" asked Mischa, when it was obvious they still had not come to the end of the artwork. On this side of the rockfall the cavern was enormous, high and deep.
"I don't know," Rhodri said. "I tripped and hurt my leg and couldn't stand up, so I crawled back here to be sure of getting air. I examined what I could till my torch batteries went dead."
That brought his rapt audience back to reality and the remembrance of his needs. When Mischa's searching light pinpointed the green water canteen lying halfway up the rocky slope under the passage, Laddy ran to pick it up and take it to Rhodri. He gulped thirstily while Mischa again ran strong fingers over his hurt leg.
"Nothing broken, I think," Mischa said. "A badly twisted knee, but we've got to get you through that hole. I think we should splint it if possible."
There was a crowbar lying on the ground beside Rhodri's tattered knapsack, and Laddy picked it up. "Can you bind this to his leg?" she suggested.
In another second she had stripped off her shirt and handed it to Mischa.
"What the devil are you doing?" Mischa demanded. "You'll freeze!"
"I can wear your sweater, but you can't wear my shirt," Laddy pointed out. "If we use your sweater you'll get cut to ribbons on the rocks when you crawl out, and what good is that?"
She bent over his kneeling figure in the torchlight, her long black hair curtaining down, falling on his shoulder like a perfumed shadow. For a moment, as he reached to take the shirt from her hand, he turned his face deliberately into her hair's softness, his forehead brushing her cheek.
"Beware," he said hoarsely. "You are in a cave where primitive passions have been locked up for ten thousand years." Laddy straightened suddenly to combat a sudden hollow feeling and in a few economical movements Mischa bound the crowbar to Rhodri's leg with her shirt. Then, putting his arms around Rhodri, Mischa climbed up the short sloping wall to a point a few feet under the jagged hole, now showing a gray silhouette against the blackness all around them.
"Can you hold on here for a few minutes?" he asked as Laddy climbed up beside them to help hold the stiff-kneed boy. They both nodded at Mischa, and in a moment his body had stopped up the faint gray light of dawn that was showing on the other side of the tunnel. In the torchlight Laddy and Rhodri smiled at each other. His face seemed lighted by its own extraordinary inner glow.
"How do you feel?" she asked him, smiling.
He grinned."Like a million pounds."
"What are you going to do now?" she asked, aware of a change in him, a new maturity that gave him an adult confidence for all his gamin grin.
But at that moment Mischa called from the other cave and she bent to fix the lamp on a rock so that it would shine on the wall in front of them. When she stood up to give him a hand, Rhodri paused for a moment and smiled at her.
"I'm glad you came," he said. "I was waiting for daylight to try and get out, you know, but sometimes in the night I was sure I would never get out. I thought I would die here. I knew that if it weren't you and Mischa, you know, no one would find me."
Her breath caught at this bald revelation of what it was that had changed him into an adult overnight, and she was filled with admiration for him. He had faced death alone, in the dark, for endless hours, and when the ordeal was over he had demanded that his rescuers examine his great discovery even before giving him water! Her arm around Rhodri tightened for a moment.
"We had to find you," she said softly. "There was no way we would have let you die in here alone."
Gingerly, painstakingly, he was eased through the tunnel, and Laddy was alone with the painted figures and the torch in the dark cave. For the first time she shivered in the chill dank air. At that moment Mischa's black sweater reached her through the hole. The warmth of his body enveloping her and the masculine smell of him reaching her nostrils as she pulled the sweater over her head reminded Laddy sharply that she had lain in his arms so recently, and the hollow excitement that churned within her made her feel faint. He was her lover! He had escaped whole from every form of horror and torment, and after eight years they had found each other again. His mark was on her now and she could never belong to any other man if she lived for a thousand years.
In the dank, dark cave Laddy gazed at the evidence of an ancient, unknown ritual of her distant ancestors and felt a deep-rooted kinship with their primitive passion. She had discovered a deep well of unexplored emotions in her nature, of which she knew almost nothing. But she had a strong conviction that her artist-ancestor could have told her all about them.
"GOOD LORD, Laddy, is this true?" Harry's voice crackled incredulously over the wire, and stifling a yawn, Laddy assured him that it was. It was ten in the morning and she still had not been to bed.
"When was the discovery made?"
"Rhodri - that's the boy who found it - dug his way through to it late yesterday," she said. "We found him in the cave early this morning."
"We?" Harry pressed.
"A friend and I," she said, her heart skipping a beat for who the friend was and what Harry would say if he knew. "There were about a dozen searchers out all night."
"And when you found him he was sitting beside the only knqwn example of cave art in the British Isles," Harry said wryly. "Any professional opinion as to their authenticity yet?"
"The national museum has been notified and someone will be arriving for a look probably before noon," Laddy said. "But I'm sure they haven't been faked, Harry. It's no hoax."
"What about photos?"
"If you send someone down here tonight, you can have exclusives by morning. Only three of us know where the cave is," Laddy told him.
"All right," Harry said. "We'll get a photographer down there. I suppose you want to cover it yourself in spite of the fact of your being on holiday?"
"Yes, thank you," she said, sighing. She could stop another Herald reporter from arriving on the scene, but there would be no stopping the other members of the press and public who would very likely descend on Trefelin as a result of this story. And on Mischa Busnetsky. The peace of Trefelin was going to be disrupted for a few days at least, and every time Mischa walked abroad he was going to run the risk of being recognized.
But there was nothing she could do about it. This discovery could not possibly be kept quiet; this exclusive she would certainly lose within twenty-four hours if she did not file it.
Harry was congratulating her on what was really a very exciting story, and she said, "Does this put me on the credit side of the ledger, do you think?"
Harry sighed. "What favor do you want now, dear girl?"
"Isn't it a touchy editor today, then?" Laddy responded lightly. "No favor at all, Harry. I was merely thinking that if I happened to be going after something in an unconventional way one day, and it happened to blow up in my face, and you happened to be upset by it... well, it might help to have such an exciting exclusive to remind you of. Don't you think?"
Harry exhaled noisily, and the sound conjured up his face for her, his large thumb propping up his chin, a fat cigarette between two upraised fingers, his mouth pursed in exhalation and one eye pensively narrowed as he tried to see through the keyhole of her soul.
"It might," said Harry. "That would depend on the story and just how unconventional your methods were. How unconventional are you being?"
"This is all hypothetical, Harry," Laddy responded with a grin. "I'm on holiday, remember?"
"Umm-hmm," grunted Harry, and she knew he was unconvinced.
When he asked her where she could be reached, she read him the number of the phone she was using in Richard and Helen's sitting room, then told him how the Herald photographer could reach her when he arrived.
Laddy was dropping with fatigue when at last she locked the door of the big house and headed toward the cottages. But the morning was crisp and fresh, and small field flowers were blooming underfoot in the green. She breathed in the fresh, damp-earth smell and looked about her at sun and sea and sky. Some distance away along the cliff a neighboring farmer's white horse wheeled and snorted in the breeze.
She breathed deeply and willed herself to relax, but her mind could not stop churning over her central problem: how to tell Mischa Busnetsky that by tomorrow afternoon Trefelin would likely be housing a number of her colleagues, so that he must either curtail his activities or run the risk of being recognized, and more - how to tell him that it was her fault.
A FEW MINUTES past six o'clock that evening, there was a knock on the door of her little cottage. Laddy had just showered and dressed after a sleep of several hours, and she felt *******ed and alive and glowing with love. With a secret little smile she raised the perfume bottle to give her hair one final spray, and then, with her long skirt rustling around her legs, she ran to the door to let Mischa in.
The sight of the good-looking blond man on her doorstep startled her so much that she gaped at him for a moment in the blankest amazement. He was smiling warmly but quizzically at her, as though almost but not quite sure of his welcome.
"Hello, Laddy," he said, and the tones of his northern voice jolted her into the realization that this was no stranger. It was John Bentinck! Yet for a moment it had seemed to her that she had never seen his face before.
"John!" she gasped.
"Are you so surprised to see me, Laddy?" he asked wryly, smiling.
"Well, I...but aren't you supposed to be on holiday?" she asked lamely.
John shrugged apologetically. "Oh, well, there wasn't much point in going. And it was better for Richard if I didn't go just now. How are you, Laddy? Your story broke all right, I see."
He was standing on the flagstones outside her door - the one man from the Herald who could not possibly fail to recognize Mischa Busnetsky if he happened to come out of the door opposite. With an awkwardness born of utter dismay Laddy stood back and invited him in.
"This looks very comfortable," John remarked, glancing around as she closed the door after him. "I'm in a rather dark bed-and-breakfast near the pub. I shudder for the blokes coming tomorrow, they'll get nothing at all."
"There are at least two good bed-and-breakfasts in Trefelin," said Laddy, "even assuming that Mairi Davies won't be taking in - "
"All full," John said succinctly.
She gasped in horror, "With whom?" But with a sickening lurch she knew before he said it.
"Well, ITV, the BBC and CBC are here already, to my certain knowledge, and there seem to be quite a few local...."
"Oh, Lord, so soon?" she whispered in dismay, her brain churning in misery. She should have told Mischa this morning; she shouldn't have waited. But coward that she was, she had decided to tell him over dinner....
John was staring at her in surprise. "I take it you haven't seen your story yet," he said. "I suppose you didn't realize that there's been no other news at all this week - not even a strike threat." And he reached into the ever-present camera bag over his shoulder and threw the noon edition of the Herald onto the kitchen table.
The folded paper hit the table with a little slap, and the glaring black headline leaped at her: "BOY DISCOVERS CAVE ART, from Lucy Laedelia Penreith, Trefelin, Wales."
With an amazed little laugh Laddy sank into a chair, unfolded the paper and began to read.
"The only known example of prehistoric cave art in the British Isles may have been uncovered today in a cave on the south coast of Wales. Twelve-year-old amateur archaeologist, Rhodri Lewis, who made the discovery early this morning after months of searching...."
"Good grief!" Laddy exclaimed in half-laughing dismay. "He's going to be a hero!"
"Of course he is," John said. "Isn't that what you intended?"
"Among the archaeological community, yes, I did intend it. But this...." Suddenly she saw an image of Rhodri holding court in front of the television teams of two countries tonight, and delight overruled her dismay. She began to laugh in earnest. "Oh, he's going to love this!" she exclaimed. "No school for a week at least! And he's the perfect little hero, you know - intelligent and engaging. They'll love him. I wish we'd had a picture with this, but...."
"I must say I was surprised you didn't," John said. She looked at him in perplexity.
"Well, I do have my camera here, but we only found him this morning, you know."
"Yes? But then how - " John began, then changed his mind and looked out the window. "The light's fading," he said. "Can we get those pictures in the cave now, do you think?"
Laddy refolded the paper and stood up. "Yes, we'd better get going," she said. "Give me a moment to change my clothes."
She carried the paper into the bedroom with her, and when she had changed her skirt for jeans she located a felt pen and wrote above the headline: "Mischa - Lots of press people in the village tonight. Be careful. Love, L."
"What's that for?" John asked a few minutes later as she ran across the flagstones to prop the Herald against the door of Mischa's cottage.
"My neighbor is a writer," Laddy explained rapidly, scrabbling through her thoughts for an innocuous explanation. "When they called out searchers he came along - he and I found Rhodri, and I thought he'd be interested in seeing the story."
None of which was exactly a lie, Laddy thought as she led John along the Coastal Path by the house. Interested Mischa would certainly be - and he would understand how this fame would go to Rhodri's head - but at the same time he might wonder why Laddy had given him no warning of the fact that the town was filled with the people to whom, at the moment, he least wished to talk.
"Is there anyone guarding the place?" John asked as Laddy led him along the Coastal Path toward the beach, moving west into the brightly setting sun.
"A man from the national museum came to look at it around noon," Laddy replied. "He left, but he was coming back. If he's camped out there already, we may not get any pictures."
"We'll get the pictures," said John firmly, "even if an army of archaeologists is camped out there. This is Crown land and accessible to the public until they get a permit to close it off. They won't have that yet." He was thinking these might be exclusive pictures, Laddy could see.
"Well, there won't be an army," she said mildly. "Just Roger Smith."
But there was no evidence of the young archaeologist as they approached the cave, and Laddy wrinkled her brow in dismay. She had expected - from what he had said to Rhodri and to her this afternoon after examining the inner cave and congratulating Rhodri on his find with an air of awed excitement that thrilled Rhodri more than his actual words - to find that Roger Smith had returned hotfoot to the site to set up his tent. It would be too bad if the paintings were discovered by sightseers in his absence.
Laddy and John, having made sure that no one was in sight on the cliff above or on the beach, climbed the last few feet of sharply sloping shingle to the mouth of the cave. Inside the duskily lighted outer cave, John glanced around.
"This is the right cave?" he asked.
"Yes," Laddy said. "To get to the paintings you have to crawl through there."
John Bentinck eyed the narrow passage with some disfavor.
"Not unless we make that hole larger," he said dispassionately, and there was some justice in that. He was not as tall as Mischa, but he had a good deal more flesh on his frame.
And he was not used to squeezing under the barbed-wire fences of a Siberian labor camp to get shag to the men in the box, she thought wryly.
"Well, we can't do that," she said firmly. The larger the hole, the more likelihood there was of sightseers finding the paintings before archaeologists could protect the site. "Set up the camera for me, and I'll get the pictures. I've been in there before."
John was a photographer before anything else. He did not demur but immediately began asking her questions about the size and position of the paintings.
When he had adjusted the lens and instructed her on the use of the camera, Laddy held the torch in front of her and inched as before into the ancient artist's breathtaking gallery.
The magnificent red-brown-and-black reindeer postured in death as before, though she had almost expected it to have moved. Laddy stood on the rocky slope for a quiet moment, staring at the painted figures, and shivered suddenly. She flashed the torch toward the back of the cavern, but the light could not pierce the black depths or show her where the cavern ended. Laddy gazed blindly into the empty darkness for a chill moment. Then with a shake of her head she turned away from the unknown depths and called to John in a matter-of-fact tone, "Ready!" She aimed the light through the hole and reached to take the camera he held out to her.
He had set it properly; all she had to do was focus as well as she could in the weak light and shoot. She chose the best bit first: fixing on the huge, powerful, black-outlined animal, she took several shots, the flash attachment blinding her after the first one so that thereafter she closed her eyes each time she pressed the button.
She moved down the cavern over the uneven floor, shivering now under the combined effects of the chill air and nervousness, until she had taken nearly twenty shots in all. Then, picking up the flashlight from the floor she stumbled back up to the passage and passed the camera through.
"Good girl!" John exclaimed. Now she had only the painful job of inching through the jagged tunnel again.
As she crawled along the narrow tunnel, her head almost into the front cave, her feet still in the black cavern behind, she was seized by a sudden irrational fear of the unknown that lay behind her in that endless cavern, a fear so near to panic that she wanted to scream to John to grab her and drag her through. But she soundlessly fought the fear and slowly made her way back to reason and the outer cave.
John shot pictures of the narrow tunnel, of the pile of rocks on the sloping floor of the outer cave, and then declared himself satisfied.
"Am I going to get a shot of the child prodigy?" he queried, carefully consigning the film to his camera bag and rolling a new one into the back of the camera.
"Rhodri!" she exclaimed. "We'd better hurry if we're going to catch him before he goes to bed!"
John laughed. "If the lad goes to bed before midnight tonight, I'll be surprised. He's tomorrow's news, remember? And no doubt enjoying it hugely."
Rhodri was indeed loving his sudden fame. In the small warm house where Mairi Davies and her husband made a home for her younger sister and brother, Rhodri was suddenly king.
He sat on a chair in the center of the sitting room while two television teams and several journalists and photographers surrounded him, asking questions, taking notes and listening to his excited young voice with a flattering deference. His family sat on the fringes of the room, Mairi and her husband Alun, Brigit and her fiance Bran; several neighbors also were there watching. It was his moment, and Rhodri's flushed cheeks and bright eyes told Laddy as she and John entered the room that he was taking full advantage of it.
"I didn't happen on the paintings," he was explaining clearly and patiently to a man holding a microphone whom Rhodri plainly thought rather slow. "I was looking for cave art - I was hoping to find it."' He fixed the man with a look. "I was not out looking for a lost sheep, you know. Please do not tell them that I was," he said sternly, and everyone in the room laughed.
"No chance," drawled the man in a transatlantic accent, laughing, too.
Beside Laddy, John was attaching a lens to his camera. "Bright kid," he said briefly. Before she could reply he was moving away to find a clear angle for photos. Laddy followed him.
"Take some pictures of him with the newsmen, John," she whispered. "The family might like to have them." Intent on his subject, John nodded, and Laddy went to sit on the settee beside Brigit.
"Proud?" Laddy whispered. Brigit reached out and squeezed her hand.
"We're very grateful to you and Mischa, Laddy," Brigit said quietly. "If it hadn't been for you, we might never have found him. I keep thinking how differently we'd have been feeling tonight if...."
"My two friends found me," Rhodri's clear, carrying voice was saying suddenly, and Laddy tensed in sudden horror, her eyes fixed on his glowing face. She had not warned Rhodri to say nothing of Mischa in this affair! If he mentioned that name in this gathering!
Brigit bent forward. "I warned him not to say Mischa's name," she whispered. "Don't worry." Brigit had guessed who Mischa was from the first day, but she had said nothing about it to anyone - even Mairi. Laddy looked at her now in surprised gratitude. That in all the excitement of this day she had found time to remember and protect Mischa Busnetsky's privacy....
Rhodri was saying, "They knew I was looking in the caves, and when I didn't come home, they came and found me."
"Are they school friends of yours?" called the reporter of a local paper, who was thinking that three children would make an even better story than one.
"Oh no," Rhodri said with a broad smile. "They are quite grown up, you know. I think...1 think they are going to get married."
THE CAR SCREECHED to a halt in front of the white gate, with inches to spare, and Laddy was climbing out the passenger door before John could reach to turn off the ignition.
"Don't get out, John," she said flatly. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."
When she was halfway through the gate, the car door slammed and she knew John was coming after her. Resolutely Laddy kept her face forward and began walking over the meadow toward the warm light that beckoned her from Mischa Busnetsky's cottage.
"I want to have this out, Laddy," John's voice said behind her in the night air. Realizing that he would follow her right across the meadow to the cottages and knowing that she must keep him from catching sight of Mischa, Laddy turned.
"John, there's nothing to have out," she said. "I've told you that Rhodri was being fanciful. What else is there to say?"
She had lied to John, telling him she scarcely knew her neighbor in the other cottage, saying anything that would keep him from trying to get a look at Mischa.
"You can say you're coming back to London with me, if that's true," John returned.
"Well, I am not going back to London with you, John," Laddy said, her anger beginning to show. "I am waiting for a story to break and I'm not leaving Trefelin till it does, if I can help it. Besides that, Rhodri - "
She was interrupted by a harsh incredulous laugh. "Come off it, Laddy!" John said loudly. "You're forgetting yourself - your story broke this morning, remember? That's why I'm here."
There was a little silence between them as she realized that John thought she had had advance notice of the cave paintings. Perhaps it would have been better if she had let him go on thinking that - but it was too late now.
"No, that just happened," Laddy said. "There's another - "
"Laddy," he said, and his voice was pleading now, "don't lie to me. I love you, Laddy. I've tried not to tell you because I didn't want to scare you, but I love you. Now tell me the truth."
Starlight bathed his golden head, but she could not see his face in the darkness. She swallowed suddenly.
"I can't tell you all the truth, John," she began in a low voice, wishing now that she had been more honest with him in the beginning.
He responded harshly, "Then just tell me this: do you love me?"
Not even the sound of the ocean was there to break the silence. "I'm not in love with you, John," she said quietly, after a moment. "I - "
Suddenly he pulled her against him so roughly that the camera slung over his shoulder struck her ribs. "You would have been! You would have been, if it weren't for him!" he said in a hoarse whisper. "Damn him!" And as she pushed to get out of his arms he bent and kissed her, a hot, tormented, possessive kiss. She did not struggle. She stood rigid and unmoved under the searching attack, and when he let her go his face was bitter.
"After that, don't try to tell me it's work that's suddenly come between us," he said angrily. "If it is, you sacrifice one hell of a lot for a story. You just sacrificed us!" He turned on his heel in the moonlight and strode toward his car.
Weary and shaken, she turned to cross the meadow. A few minutes later her heart leaped as she saw the door to Mischa's cottage open, the warm inviting light inside framing his lean, tall figure as he waited for her. On a half-sob of desperate need, Laddy began to run toward him through the cool scented moonlight like a wanderer who has seen home. She ran straight into his arms and clung to him.
"Hold me," she said. "Hold me."
And Mischa Busnetsky's arms closed warmly and securely around her body at her plea, but over her head his voice was saying, coldly, incredibly, "But of course. A woman who has sacrificed so much is entitled to a little comfort."