CHAPTER NINE
HE STILL WANTS me, Leah cried to herself as his mouth took passionate possession of hers.
No peck on the forehead this time. A real kiss, deep and hungry, flooding her with waves of desire, so hot and strong she thought she might faint with them. She could not get enough of his mouth, but especially his tongue. Each time it slipped past her teeth, she wanted to keep it there, a prisoner of her own passion.
‘No, don’t stop,’ she cried aloud when his head finally lifted.
His wry laughter was reassuring.
‘I don’t think you have to worry about my stopping, beautiful,’ he told her as he swept her up into his arms. ‘I presume this is the way to your bedroom,’ he added as he carried her down the only hallway in her apartment.
She didn’t reply. She was too busy looking up at him with wildly adoring eyes. How handsome he was. Perfect in every way, from his dark, deeply set eyes to his incredibly sexy mouth.
When her right hand lifted to touch his full bottom lip, his step faltered, his eyes glittering as they dropped to hers.
‘If you keep doing that,’ he growled, ‘and looking at me like that, I won’t be able to control myself.’
‘I don’t want you to control yourself,’ she confessed.
His four-letter word shocked her, but only because it excited her beyond her own control.
She almost told him yes, yes, that’s what I want you to do to me. Nothing gentle. Nothing romantic. I want it rough and wild.
‘Tell me you can’t possibly get pregnant tonight,’ came his gruff request. ‘I can’t possibly get pregnant tonight,’ she replied obediently, whilst thinking to herself that it was unlikely. Her period had only just finished a couple of days ago.
But, in truth, she didn’t care. She didn’t care about anything but having him make mad passionate love to her.
‘Thank goodness,’ Jason muttered darkly as he carried her into her bedroom.
The room was exactly what he would have expected her bedroom to look like. Soft and pretty and feminine, with pale cream walls and a buttery cream carpet. The brass bed resting against the far wall looked like a genuine antique. High, but not that wide, with a cream lace valance, cream satin quilt and a mound of matching satin and lace pillows resting against the bedhead. The brass-based lamps sitting on the two antique bedside chests were exquisite, their cream shades edged with long drops of crystal. They were both switched on, casting soft circles of lights over the bed.
The realisation that he would soon be on that bed with Leah did little to help Jason’s uncharacteristic lack of control. He’d never been like this with Hilary. Or even Karen, whom he’d loved. Truthfully, he hadn’t ever been like this.
How on earth am I going to make this good for her? he worried as he carried Leah across the room. Already he was painfully erect, his blood charging through his veins at the rate of knots. He ached to throw her on to that virginal-looking quilt and just do it. Without foreplay. Without anything. Just straight into her. Pounding away.
‘Do you have anything on under that robe?’ he asked thickly as he lowered her to her feet beside the bed. She shook her head and swayed against him, the silken tips of her breasts connecting with his stomach.
He sucked in sharply. ‘Hell, Leah, I hope you meant it about wanting me to lose control. Because I’m losing it right now.’
‘Good,’ she said, her glittering green eyes not in any way shy, but suddenly surprisingly bold.
Jason needed no further encouragement.
He yanked the robe back off her shoulders, not bothering with the ties. But when he dragged it down her arms, the damned thing stopped at her waist, trapping her arms by her sides and leaving him staring at the most provocative and perfect breasts he had ever seen.
Lusciously full, they were. High-set, not heavy, with large areolae and the pinkest, pointiest nipples.
He had to touch them. Tug at them. Taste them.
‘Oh, Leah, Leah,’ he groaned as he scooped her up and laid her down in the middle of her quilt, his eyes hot on her as he straightened to stand at the side of the bed.
‘No, don’t move,’ he ordered her when her arms wriggled in the sleeves of the robe, clearly trying to extricate herself. ‘Stay exactly as you are.’
He loved the look of her spread out on that sensuous satin quilt, her lower half covered, but her chest and upper arms totally exposed. The paleness of her naked skin against the red silk was incredibly erotic. So was the richness of the red against the pale cream of the bed.
Only one thing was wrong with the picture. Her hair. It should be down.
Her eyes widened when he bent forward to remove the clip that anchored her hair to the top of her head. He heard her breath quicken, watched her eyes follow him as he stroked her hair down over her shoulders, pulling several strands down over her breasts. But not over her nipples.
When he scraped the hair clip over one, her back arched off the bed, her lips falling apart on a startled gasp.
The sight of her stunningly erect nipples reminded him of his own arousal. But he was too intoxicated by her responses now to think about his own frustrations. He scraped the clip over her other nipple, loving the way her suddenly expanded lungs thrust both her breasts up towards him.
‘You like that,’ he said throatily, then did it again, and again.
Her answer was a series of soft moans.
Finally, however, the torment became his own, and he threw the clip away, busying his hands on his own body, stripping off his clothes and tossing them aside.
He watched her watch him undress, her eyes telling him that his body met with her approval.
Jason had been blessed with a naturally masculine physique, his shape due more to Mother Nature than with working out. But he did swim every day, and did a hundred sit-ups, both of which keep the flab away and his stomach muscles well toned.
Jason had always felt confident of his body, as well as his lovemaking technique. Usually, he took his time, spending ages on foreplay.
Unfortunately, Leah’s eyes staring at him with need sent him right back to where he’d been before he’d started stripping her, desperate to be inside her, driven by a force that was as primal as it was urgent.
Within a flash of being naked, he was with her on the bed, his hands moving with rough caresses over her swollen breasts, his head dipping to take her mouth with a kiss as wild as he was. His lips crushed hers, then drove them apart, his tongue sliding deep, then deeper still. But it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. His hand moved down to pull her robe apart, then her legs, and before his brain could catch up with his body he was between her thighs and pushing into her, groaning as her flesh encased his, its soft slickness enveloping his aching hardness.
Her arms might have been imprisoned by her side, but her legs were free to lift and wrap high around his back. Her bottom lifted with it, the angle of her body taking him in even deeper. It was all a bit much for a man who’d been thinking of nothing else all week but Leah Johannsen.
He slowed his rhythm, trying to last, trying desperately to wait for her. But when she started squeezing him with delicious little movements of her muscles, his body gave up the fight and he came with a raw cry, his body shuddering with the force of his release.
For a split second, his male ego threatened to spoil his ecstasy, but then he heard her cry out his name, and felt her flesh tighten around him like a vice.
His sense of triumph was both physical and emotional. Because he hadn’t wanted to be totally selfish. Not tonight. He’d wanted to make it up to her for what that bastard of a husband had done to her. He’d wanted to reassure her that a few scars didn’t mar her desirability as a woman.
And it didn’t.
Peace came to Jason’s body first, leaving him to stare down into her flushed face and watch what his lovemaking had done to her. Her eyes were closed, but her lips were open, panting softly. He felt the last ebbings of her climax. Finally, her legs slipped from around him on a long, voluptuous sigh, and her eyelids fluttered upwards.
He smiled down at her, and she smiled back, her eyes a little embarrassed now, as nice women often were after their first time with a man.
‘I’m sorry I was so quick,’ he said, bracing his arms on either side of her with his elbows whilst he pushed some strands of hair back from her lovely face.
‘You weren’t.’
‘It’s been a while since you’ve been with a man, hasn’t it?’
‘Two years.’
‘Aah. I see.’
The thought occurred to him that it had only been two weeks since he’d been with Hilary.
Men were different creatures to women. No doubt about that.
He was still tempted to tell her that he’d been thinking of nothing else but her all week, that she was something special to him. But that smacked of an emotional involvement, and he wanted to keep this night strictly physical.
‘I’ll take longer next time,’ he said, deliberately curving his mouth into a wicked smile. ‘By the tenth time, you’ll be begging me to stop.’
She blinked up at him. ‘The tenth?’
‘Didn’t I tell you I was a braggart?’
She laughed. ‘No.’
‘A braggart and a bastard.’
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘You will, beautiful. You will.’
‘Leah…’
Leah surfaced slowly. Dreamily. Happily.
‘Mmmm?’
‘It’s morning,’ she heard Jason say through her fog of *******ment. ‘I have to go.’ Leah opened her eyes to find Jason sitting on the bed beside her, fully dressed in the clothes he’d been wearing when he’d arrived the night before.
‘You’re going?’ she said, still a bit sleep-befuddled. ‘But…do you have to rush off? Can’t you stay for breakfast at least? It’s Saturday, you know.’
‘Yes, I know,’ he said, his face somewhat grim.
It was then that it came to her what he was saying. He was going going.
‘I told you last night I wasn’t the man for you,’ he went on. ‘You begged me to stay. So I stayed.’
Leah blinked her surprise. How holier than thou he sounded, as though he’d been forced into staying and accommodating a desperate woman against his better judgement.
‘You certainly did,’ she agreed, her tone tart.
‘I didn’t do anything you didn’t want me to do, Leah,’ he reminded her.
She stared at him, thinking of how she’d given him a lot more than she’d ever given Carl.
There again, he’d given her a lot more than Carl had given her. He’d been incredibly tender and loving that second time. And after that. He certainly wasn’t at all grossed out by her scars. He’d even kissed them on one occasion. And washed them in the shower.
The memory of their shower together sent shivers down her spine. She’d washed him too, during which she’d been absolutely shameless. This time together had been as wild as their first with her feet wrapped around his hips.
Then they went back in the bed, for long and languid lovemaking that had ended with her gradually tipping into sleep.
And now here she was, wide awake and being rejected once more. ‘You said you had a girlfriend till recently,’ she argued, trying to sound calm when inside, desperation was gnawing at her stomach. ‘Why can’t I be your new girlfriend?’
‘You need a man who can love you, Leah. I’m not that man.’
Oh, how it hurt, his saying that he could never love her.
‘It…it’s not because of the scars, is it?’ she heard herself saying in a pitiful voice.
‘Don’t be ridiculous! Leah, how many times do I have to tell you that your scars don’t bother me a bit? Look, if you must know, it’s because of my wife, the one you and everyone else thinks I married for her money.
‘I didn’t,’ he growled. ‘I loved Karen, more than I could have ever thought possible. Watching her die was terrible. No. Unbearable. I thought I would feel relief when she died. Instead, I wanted to die myself.’
‘I’m s…sorry,’ Leah said, stumbling over the words as she tried to cope with the emotions that his heartfelt confession had produced. Jealousy jabbed at her heart, followed by guilt that she’d judged him so harshly. Finally came the dismaying realisation that the feelings his incredible lovemaking had evoked in her last night would never come to fruition.
Leah knew she could easily fall in love with this man. But what was the point, if he could never love her back?
She was way past being a fool to love. Or she thought she was.
‘I’m sorry, too,’ he said, and reached out to touch her softly on the cheek.
Tears pricked at her eyes.
‘Please don’t cry, Leah. Last night was very special. But best we leave it at that.’
‘Yes,’ she agreed, bravely blinking back the tears. For a good minute, they maintained an awkward silence, each with their own thoughts.
‘Are you still going to resign on Monday?’ he asked at last.
‘Yes,’ she said, nodding. ‘Yes, I think that would be for the best.’
‘You’re right. Of course.’
Leah sighed. It was going to be difficult, living through the two weeks’ notice she had to give.
‘I’ll give you a great reference,’ Jason said.
She glared at him for a moment, but then she laughed. ‘You’d better.’
He looked at her for a longer moment, and she could have sworn she glimpsed true regret in his eyes.
‘I must go,’ he said, and stood up abruptly.
She could hardly bear to look at him. Suddenly, she just wanted him to go. Quickly, before she made a right fool of herself.
His bending to kiss her on the forehead made her cringe. She didn’t want that kind of kiss from him. She wanted the kind he’d given her last night, the hot hungry intimate kind which had made her squirm and moan. She wanted him to stay. Oh…she just wanted him.
‘Just go, for pity’s sake!’ The words burst from her mouth, sounding bitter and angry.
Leah recalled what he’d said the night before about being a braggart and a bastard. How she wished that he was both! But he wasn’t either of them.
She didn’t watch him leave. But she heard him shut the front door. It was a horrible sound.
Leah rolled over into her pillows, and wept.