Chapter eight
Twenty-four hours and Luke hadn't been able to see Susanna alone. She'd said she loved him — once — and he hadn't seen her alone since to talk about it.
Or about anything.
Luke spread the newspaper out on the white plastic table in the waiting room. They'd made the nationals. Just as they'd hoped. There was his little girl, her life slipping away.
And his wife…gazing at Eleanor with such love in her eyes. The softness in her face made her look incandescently beautiful. Luke reached out and traced Susanna's cheekbone, the shape of her jaw.
He was about to lose them both. One because she wasn't well enough to live…and the other through carelessness. There'd been a time when Susanna had looked at him that way. With love. He wanted that back.
The photograph was haunting. There was Eleanor. His daughter. Eyes tightly shut. Tubes everywhere. The pink teddy bear his parents had bought…
He swallowed painfully. And Susanna. Bone weary and emotionally drained. Her eyes focused on the precious life they'd created together…because she'd loved him.
Memories of that night streamed through him. She'd said "they'd begun wrong," but that wasn't true. They'd begun right.
It was just he hadn't recognized how right it was. He'd been young and selfish, fixated on the opportunities New York would bring him. He hadn't seen how precious the pearl he was leaving behind was.
Susanna had always been there. So close, he'd not noticed her. Six years younger than him, but so much more mature.
He'd told her he'd slept with her because she'd cried, but that wasn't true. He'd made love to her because he hadn't been able to do anything else. When she'd cried it had seemed the most natural thing in the world to hold her. And when he was holding her it had been the most natural thing to kiss her. And when he'd kissed her…
It still felt natural. Every time he was with her, every time he touched her, something deep inside him responded to her.
Because he loved her.
How could he have missed that? Images passed through his mind. He saw Susanna standing before him telling him she was expecting his child. He saw her laughing at a joke, sun streaming through her hair. He saw her eyes clouded with passion. For him.
"Luke?"
He turned to look at Susanna. Her hand was splayed out on the waiting-room door, her face tired but calm.
"Dr. Lane wants to see us."
She looked so beautiful that he was almost too frightened to speak to her. "Now?"
She nodded. "I don't know why." She raised a hand and brushed away a tear.
He wanted to hold her. To tell her he loved her. That she was the woman he wanted to walk through the rest of his life with — whatever trials and tribulations it might bring.
Luke stood up and stared at her as though he was seeing her for the first time. He wanted to be there for all her good times. Comfort her in the bad. He wanted to help her scale every mountain and stand looking at the view together. He wanted to see her get her law degree. Become a lawyer. Have other children, maybe.
Tears swelled behind his eyes. He'd never wanted anything so fiercely as Susanna in his life. He'd been such a fool. He'd taken her love and screwed it under his foot. And now she wanted to walk away. She wanted a divorce.
She was bright and beautiful, honest and caring. In many ways she deserved a new start with someone better than him…but he loved her and without her he'd be nothing.
Luke felt the first tear drop down his face. It burned across his cheek like acid.
"Luke?" Susanna moved forward, her face full of concern. Her hand reached out, then hesitated, not quite touching him. That killed him. She didn't feel she had the right to touch him.
Dear God.
Luke reached for her and he hid his face against her hair. It smelled of vanilla and summertime. His body throbbed with pain. He felt like he'd only just come alive.
Susanna's arms held him tightly. "It might not be bad news," she said softly. "There's been no change in Eleanor."
Every sense he had was screaming out with a desire to keep this woman close. To have, and to hold, for as long as they both should live.
And he didn't know where to begin.
He didn't know how to find the words to tell Susanna he loved her. How did he start to heal the pain he'd caused her? How could he make her believe in them?
Luke pulled back and moved to hold her face between his hands. He stared down at her. "I love you."
He saw the confusion hit her brown eyes. Perhaps, he should have led in more gently, perhaps…
But they were the words of his heart and they spilled out. He forced her to keep looking at him, his blue eyes pleading for her to understand and see what was deep within him.
"Luke, you don't —"
"I love you," he repeated, his voice stronger. "I don't want you to leave me. Or divorce me."
Susanna's eyes took on a new vulnerability. "Eleanor will always be your daughter…whatever happens between us," she whispered.
He nodded and let go of her face. "I know that." He reached out for her hand and held it gently between his own. His thumb moved against her palm. "You know the moment you looked at me and knew you loved me?"
She nodded, her hand still in his.
Luke swallowed. "I just had that moment. Susanna…" He searched for the words. "Susanna, I want to do all the things I should have done before. I want to take you to dinner. I want to sit up late talking. I want to know every thought in your head. I want to fill our garden with lilies of the valley so our children and grandchildren can pick them." His voice deepened. "I want to go to sleep every night knowing you're going to be beside me when I wake."
Susanna felt the first whisper of hope.
Slowly, so slowly, giving her every opportunity to pull away, Luke kissed her. His lips touched hers. Hesitantly, like a first kiss. Then, as he felt her hand twitch, he pulled back to look in her eyes.
"I love you."
"You love me?" she whispered brokenly.
His mouth twisted into a wry smile. "I left it a bit late to tell you."
Susanna stared up into his face. "A little."
"I'm sorry."
It was all there in his blue eyes. All the love she'd dreamed of seeing there — one day. She reached up and stroked the side of his face. The man she loved. Had always loved. The moment felt surreal.
"I love you, too."
Luke pulled her in close; so close she could feel the beat of his heart. His arms locked about her as though he would never let her go and Susanna felt the fear recede.
With Luke beside her she could do anything. Cope with anything. "We need to go," she said softly.
The door banged open and one of the nurses from the night shift rushed in. "There's been a phone call from London. They have a near perfect match for Eleanor."
Susanna turned within Luke's arms to look at her. "A liver?"
She nodded, her eyes glowing. "It's on its way. Dr. Lane has just called in a team of three surgeons. She needs to speak to you."
"We're coming," Luke said behind her. The young nurse nodded and left.
For a moment Susanna was too scared to believe what she'd heard, then relief started to flood through her. She knew there were no guarantees. That it would be a long seven- or eight-hour operation, followed by an agonizing wait to see if the organ had taken.
"Eleanor's got a chance," she said brokenly.
Luke smiled. The kind of smile that made her heart feel like it would burst from happiness. "A good one."
He laced his fingers between hers and led her out through the doors, toward their daughter.
The End
06-08-07, 10:52 PM
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