Chapter 15
The wedding would be in four weeks. Sidra and Kristy sat before the hearth busily embroidering gold thread into the edges of the emerald silk gown that the tiny blond woman would be wearing for the event. Kristy still wasn't an expert at the task, but if she worked a little slow, it would look quite good. The seamstresses within the castle had really outdone themselves with the design of the gown. Kristy had told them of little secrets with tucks and pleats she had seen designers use with their creations and they had applied it to the workings of the tunic and blaint. The effect of it was to accent every curve of her petite body. Tilden would be knocked off his feet, when he saw her join him at the altar!
"'Twill be a double celebration, with our getting married the day before Christmas! I want this to be the most beautiful wedding that England has ever seen!" Sidra exclaimed.
Kristy smiled at her. "Of course it will be the most beautiful. How can it not be? Tilden and you are two of the most beautiful people that I have ever seen!" She watched Sidra blush at the compliment.
"Oh, by the way, how is the renovation of Worthingham castle going? I haven't seen much of Tilden lately." Kristy commented.
A comical pained look wrinkled her features. "It still needs a lot of work, I'm afraid. Tilden has been their everyday trying to bring it back to some semblance of decency." Then she sighed *******ly and smiled. "But I will not care if it's falling all around me. I will be with my Tilden."
Kristy raised a dark brow, as she pushed her needle through the silky material, "You say that now, but after a month or two when you two break out of the honeymoon haze, and you find that you are freezing because of all the cracks in the walls, your hungry because the garden grew up, and your afraid that someone will attack you while your walls are down, THEN you'll care!" Her mock serious face could not stay straight any longer and she burst out laughing, Sidra joining right in with her.
"Your a cynic!" Sidra declared and then immediately wished she'd thought before she spoke when she saw Kristy grow quiet. "Oh, Kristy, I didn't mean.,,"
Kristy made herself smile and gently patted her sister—in— law on the hand. "It's alright. You shouldn't have to watch everything you say just because of what's going on between Darian and I."
They sat in mutual silence for a while, concentrating on their work and Kristy's thoughts caused her to chuckle aloud. She saw Sidra's questioning look and explained, "I was just imagining what your children will look like. In a few years I bet we'll see little gold heads bobbing around everywhere!"
Sidra gasp, "Oh, Kristy! You embarrass me!"
Kristy laughed at her but then suddenly grew quite and thoughtful. "Oh, no..." she mumbled as she started counting on her fingers. Oh, no, no...
Sidra looked at her curiously. "Kristy, for heaven's sake, what is wrong?"
She looked up at her friend. Her face was pale. "I haven't had a period since I've been here."
"A what?"
"A period. You know, my monthly flow." She covered her forehead with her hand. "My God, Sidra! I think I'm pregnant!"
Sidra leaped up and hugged her. "That is marvelous news! Darian will be so pleased!"
"Pleased?" She pulled Sidra back and looked into her face. "Sidra, my husband has not talked to me in two weeks. He doesn't even sleep in the same bed as me."
Sidra sat back down but kept a hold on Kristy's hand. "Kristy, Darian will be overjoyed! Mayhaps this is what he needs, He has been such a grouch, lately. This will pull him out of it, I am sure!
Kristy wasn't convinced, but knew she would have to tell him. She was already about two months along. Another month or two and everyone would figure it out for themselves. Yes, she had to tell him.
"Sidra, I guess I had better let your brother know, and the sooner the better. Have you seen him?" she asked, clearly reluctant to having to do this,
"I saw him go into the study off the hall. Would you like me to go along?"
"No, I had better do it alone." she said with a sigh. She walked across the hall to the narrow door that led to his office. After taking a deep breath she knocked softly.
"Come in. " she heard the voice boom clearly through the thick door. It didn't sound like it was a good time to bother him, But then again, what time was good with him?
She pushed open the door and walked on in. She saw that he had not lifted his head from his work. He didn't know it was she.
"What is it?" he commanded in an impatient tone. A tone that was used with serf and knight alike, and that probably extended to mistrustful wives, too.
"We need to talk, Darian," she said quietly.
His head jerked up, his eyes cold. "What is it?" he repeated. She was right about the tone.
She went and sat down in the chair facing the desk. "Yes, I believe I will have a sit. Thank you, dear husband." He remained remote and silent so she went on. "I believe I have some big news.
"Christiana, I have not time to play word games, so would you please say what you have to say, then leave me,"
She jumped up and glared at him. "Darian, stop it! Stop treating me like I'm the scourge of the earth. I have not spoken with you for two weeks. I know you think I betrayed you, but couldn't we at least be civil?" Her hands were raised, palms upturned.
Darian's jaw clenched visibly. It had been pure hell trying to avoid her these weeks, when what he wanted to do was to crawl back in her bed. He knew he need not deny himself from taking what was his right to take, but he did not trust himself with her, Not yet. Mayhaps not ever.
But now, here she was, looking even more beautiful than ever. Her voice and actions still so innocent and soft. He forced himself to lower his voice this time. "You said you have news?"
Kristy saw that he was making an effort so she sat back down and looked at him steadily. "We're going to have a baby."
A myrade of emotions crossed Darian ' s features before they turned hard once again. "Whose is it?" he asked with dead calm.
"What?" she gasp. "How could you...What do you mean 'Who's is it?'
He stood this time. Leaning over the desk he gripped her arm in a death hold and jerk her up. "Is it mine, or Worthingham's bastard?"
Before he saw it coming, she slapped him across the face with the hand that was free of his grip. "I told you that Fredrick Worthingham lied. You. .you. .CREEP! The only man I have ever been with is YOU!"
He brought her closer to his face, the edge of the desk cutting into her thighs. "Do not ever hit me again, woman, or I will be glad to return like for like!" He released her, pushing her back from him, non-to-gently. She sank back into the chair. "You had better pray that the child is born a female! I'll not have Worhtingham's bastard being heir to Greystone!" On his face was rage, as the words were pushed out through gritted teeth.
She couldn't remember feeling so hurt. She was having his baby. A baby that they had created, together. A baby that she already loved, and he was claiming it as someone else's. Tears, that she was unable to stop, flowed down her satiny cheek. She buried her head down into one of her hands, while the other curled about her waist.
"How could you. How could you deny your own flesh. When this baby was conceived, it was done out of my love for you." Her word's tumbled out in between teary gulps.
He sat back down and rubbed a hand wearily over his forehead. "How can I be sure?" he asked quietly.
She raised her head and looked at him with hurt-filled eyes. "You can be sure by trusting in me. But if that is not good enough you can ask my maid whether I had my monthly flow during your absence. You know as well as I that I did not have it while we were together. That was a whole month. I would have started, sometime during that month if I had not been with child." She looked away from him as she could see that he was mentally counting up the days they were together.
"Worthingham had said you were meeting him, when I thought you were down in the village. " He was still accusing.
She got up from the chair, unable to bear his accusing glare and walked to the small slit of a window, "I wasn't meeting him. I didn't sleep with him, Darian. All the while he had me in his castle, I kept thinking that he might rape me, but he told me he wanted nothing that you had already used," she told him dully, tiredly.
That certainly rang with some truth. His spy had told him that Worthingham had stayed away from her chamber. He could well believe that Worthingham would not have touched anyone he had already taken. The man was mad in his thinking. He sighed and drew a hand through his dark brown locks. Then why would she do it? Why would she betray him? Did he make promises to her that he never intended on keeping? Mayhaps, that was it. Mayhaps, she thought that he would take her as his mistress, only to find out that Worthingham was telling her falsehoods once she had betrayed him and was brought to his castle, In that case, the child was his, It had to be.
He stood and came to stand behind her. "I will accept the child as mine."
"That's big of you," she muttered under her breath, but loud enough for him to hear. "You accept the child, but you won't believe that I am telling you the truth."
"That is all I can give you, now. I told you that I believe the child is mine, that is enough."
"No, that is not enough, Darian. For me that will never be enough," she whispered, the hurt in her voice clearly heard. She turned around to face him. He was standing much closer to her than she had thought. Her eyes met his. "What happens after the child is born."
He studied her dispassionately a few, quite moments. "If he is a boy, then you may do anything you like. I have several keeps that are being cared for by my vassals. You may go to one of them, or you can go to your own lands with your father. I care not." He dropped his gaze from her intense stare. He could not let her see that his words were half—truths.
She wondered why he couldn't look her in the eye. "And if I want to stay here?"
He glanced up at her and then turned and walked back towards the desk. "That is up to you."
It suddenly struck her that she had no idea what rights she had as a mother. Could he take her child from her, where she would never see him again? Could he banish her to some castle, forever? Just as she had in Worthingham's dungeon, she felt herself cold with fear. Fear of the unknown, in this uncivilized world.
"Darian, you wouldn't....you wouldn't take our child from me, would you? I mean...would you send me somewhere and separate me from my own baby?" Her face was a ghostly white, and her hands, clenched tightly in front of her, were trembling as much as her voice.
Darian looked over to her as she spoke and saw that she was worried. He could hear her fear and concern. No. He was a hard man, dealing with many things, but taking a baby away from it's mother, no matter how much he distrusted her, was not something he could do.
But of course, she didn't have to know that, yet.
"When the baby is born, then we shall see what I shall do," was all he said.
She lowered her gaze to her hands and nodded. Tears were forming in her eyes. Tears that she wasn't about to let him see. She picked up her skirt and breezed past him towards the door. She wanted to get away from him, away from this castle, away from this century and their horrid, primitive ways.
But it was very clear that she wasn't going to get what she wanted in this area, either. As she opened the door, his large hand came from over her over her shoulder and shut it back.
"You wanted something else?" she pronounced through gritted teeth, refusing to turn around,
"I'm moving back into my room." He had not until that instance decided that, and without any contemplation or thought, he spoke it.
"Then I'll move out."
He leaned closer to her stiff shoulders and said in her ear, "You will stay."
This time she whirled away to look him in the eye. Indignity replaced the tears. "For what purpose? I'm already expecting your child. Isn't that what you wanted a wife for in the first place?"
"You're my wife. A wife sees to her husbands needs." he said with no trace of emotion. It was if he was merely spouting off facts.
"Do what you did before I was your wife. Find a whore!" She turned back towards the door and tried to open it again, but he wasn't going to allow her to leave, yet.
He leaned dangerously close, almost nuzzling her ear. Just as it always did, his closeness affected her, deeply. Tremors of suppressed desire ran to her very core. It had been so long since she had touched him. So very long since their body's had found sweet oneness with the other. So very, very long....
"Would you really want me to seek another? Would it really matter so little," His voice was low and sensual, his breath hot and alluring.
It was on the tip of her to say 'yes', but she couldn't do it. No matter how much she knew he hated her, she couldn't bear to think that he would sleep with someone else. The only thing he was offering of himself at the moment was his body. Right now, that would have to be enough.
When she didn't answer, he let go a low knowing laugh. "I take it that is a 'no'?" He took his hand off the door and leaned back from her.
"Don't look so smug, husband. Didn't you know that it is dangerous to sleep with the enemy? That is how you see me, isn't it? As the enemy?" She opened the door then paused and looked back at him. "You could discover that maybe I'm not the enemy after all. Then who will you blame for your unhappiness?" The last question was spoken softly, almost with a touch a pity, then she left him and shut the door soundly behind her,
Darian had to stop himself from flinging open the door and hauling her bodily back in the room and punishing her for such impertinence. The saucy wench! The only thing that stopped him had been that a small part of him wondered if she spoke the truth. It could BE dangerous sharing her bed. God's blood! He would have to be bloody careful, else he would find himself falling beneath her spell once again.
*****
News of her delicate state spread quickly thought the castle. The servants, who doted on her every whim anyway, were even more attentive to her. They were all overjoyed that she was carrying Greystone's heir and they wanted her to be as comfortable as possible, not even allowing her to do the smallest task herself,
She walked with Sidra to her chamber and gave a little laugh. "I swear! You would think that I were the only woman alive that has ever gone through this, the way they are all carrying on! I'm not even having morning sickness. As a matter of fact, I've never felt better!"
Sidra smiled as she opened the chamber door and escorted her sister—in—law inside. "They are just excited that a baby will soon be part of the castle, again. And it is rather dangerous to birth a child. They just want you to be safe."
Dangerous? Never had she thought of having a baby as dangerous! Her face paled and she sank down on the edge of the bed. "Dear Lord! Sidra, I had completely forgotten where I was! It is dangerous to have a baby in this time.
Sidra sat down beside her and grasp her hand. "Is it not so where you are from?"
"No. In the twentieth century, when you have a baby you go to a hospital where a doctor delivers your baby. If there are complications, then a cesarean …an operation where they open up your stomach and take the child out, is performed," she explained. She didn't notice the horrified expression that was on Sidra's face as she spoke, but she heard it in her voice.
"They do what?"
Kristy looked up at her and realized what she spoke of was like science fiction to her friend. "We are very advanced in my time. Hardly any women dies in childbirth. It is such a normal thing. Not an event to conjure fear." But as she spoke she realized that she would not have those modern conveniences. She would be having a baby in a medieval land. If the baby happened to be breech, then she would be in trouble. If the slightest problem happened, she just might be fighting for her life. All because she was having a baby! It was an upsetting thought.
She looked up at Sidra with worried eyes. "I'm scared, Sidra."
"Do not be. I shall pray every day for your safety and that of my unborn nephew. God would not bring you here, only to see you die so young. Do like your angel said, sister, do not give up!"
She embraced the girl who was now so much like a sister to her and a little later, watched her leave to retire to her own chamber. She stripped down and donned a robe, then went to the large bowl of warm water that rested on the dressing table and took the linen rag to wash her face. Everything that had happened today seemed to come to the forefront of her thoughts, full force. With a sob, she sank to her knees and let the body shaking tears overtake her. As she cried she felt an intense pain in her chest, almost as if her very heart was trying to break into. She didn't want it to be like this. She wanted her husband to trust her again. She wanted her child to be born in a safe environment, to have excellent medical care at her disposal. But most of all she wanted the pain to stop. She wanted once again to feel happy.
This was how Darian found his wife when he entered the chamber. He immediately became concerned. Was something wrong with the baby?
Quietly he knelt down and smoothed a hand down her back. "Christiana?" he asked hesitantly, unsure of what to do or say.
She felt his gentle touch, and for the moment, forgot that he hated her, forgot that he mistrusted her. When a strangle cry she spoke his name then threw herself into his arms and wept against his chest.
For a stunned second, Darian hesitated, then wrapped his arms around her moving her to sit upon his lap on the floor. "Shhhh." he soothed against her hair. He gently brushed the hair from her face and after a while asked her, "What is wrong, Kristy?"
Her tears were subsiding but her speak was still halted. "I'm..I'm just so..tired..and a little..scared," she confessed,
Darian pulled her back and tilted her face to meet his. "Scared of what?" he asked looked deep into her eyes.
"A lot of things. I'm scared for us, the baby." Her voice was softly anxious, her eyes echoing the same.
Confusion coursed through Darian as he studied his wife's ravaged features. She seemed so lost, so hurt. Was it because of him or her disappointment over Worthingham. He didn't know, but he wished to God that he did. He wished that this whole thing could be put behind them and that they could find happiness as they had before. He wanted to say something, but he had no idea what words he could say.
His wife solved that dilemma. "Darian, tonight could we pretend that this never happened between us? Could we just be two people who need each other and forget everything else? Just for tonight..." Her plea was cut short by his answer. And that answer was evident as his mouth covered hers. Her arms linked around his neck as she pressed into him, craving his closeness, needing his warmth,
He groaned as he felt her surrender and with a reckless impatience, he pulled her up from the floor and carried her to their bed. He laid her down and with agile quickness shed his tunic and hose. He then crawled in beside her and sought her soft lips in a kiss that left them both breathless and wanting.
"I know not what comes over me when I touch you, my lady. What magic do you weave over my mind that I can think of naught but having your beautiful body beneath me," he whispered softly in her ear, his voice filled with unconcealed wonder,
She started to say something, what, she couldn't remember, but stopped when his lips trailed down her throat to the ties of her thin robe. Liquid heat ran through her veins as she arched her back, wanting his kisses to never stop. He paused a moment, having no luck unlacing the ties,
"These ties are a hindrance!" he swore, clearly impatient. Finally, he was able to pull them apart, then removed her gown.
His arm wrapped underneath her and then rolled them both over to where she was on top. His lips moved up to her mouth as his hands caressed her back and buttocks. She raised her hands to lace through his hair and opened her mouth atop his, moving her tongue along his bottom lip. A wondrous passion seized them. It was if they couldn't get enough, couldn't get close enough. .
The air, itself, seem to ignite when at last their bodies met. There was urgency - a built up fervor that overtook them, as it never had before.
After their passion was spent, Darian held her close, despite himself. But he thought himself a fool. A fool to think that he could bed her and still hate her, What had she said before about it being dangerous sleeping with the enemy? She could very well be right for he was hating himself, right now, for his weakness where she was concerned. Good Lord! But she had gotten under his skin! So much so that he realized tonight that his need for her had not been just physically, his need went much deeper than that, Before she had betrayed him he had begun to feel alive again, in her he had found peace and fulfillment. She had brought to the surface all those suppressed dreams and longings that he hadn't thought of since he was a child. Dear God, why did she leave him, why did she run to Worthingham when he had given her everything. And why, oh why, did her treachery hurt him so bad. Indeed, what a fool he was. SHE was playing him for a fool!
In his anger, he lashed out at the object of his annoyance. "Was it me who made your body burn, Christiana, or were you thinking about your friend, Worthingham." he purred coolly in her ear and he felt her body stiffen against him,
His words were meant to hurt and that's just what they accomplished. How dare he! How dare he accuse her of thinking of someone else when it was only he that filled her heart and thoughts. So that's all she was to him. A body. Someone to do a quick roll with but nothing more. She had thought....well, she had thought that maybe he would see how much she loved him, she thought that he would realize that he loved her back, that she could have never betrayed him.
But her unyielding husband wasn't going to allow himself to feel. He ruled himself by his head and never by his heart.
"Darian, how can someone of your obvious intelligence be so utterly STUPID where I am concerned?" she asked, then pushed away from him and rolled over to the other side of the bed, her back to him.
I will not cry. I will NOT cry! she told herself over and over as she huddled beneath the furs. How could one person, hurt another so badly? How could he not see that she loved him more than anything? How could he be so blind?
It took every last drop of willpower from Darian not to reach for her, take her back in his arms, and tell her he was sorry for his rough words. He kept telling himself that it was better this way. She would know that she no longer had the power to hurt him. She would know that he cared nothing for her. She would know that she couldn't just walk back into his life and heart after betraying him with another. She would know that although he made use of her body that emotionally it meant naught.
And she would NEVER know that it was all lies, lies, lies. .