كاتب الموضوع :
لوشة العزاوي
المنتدى :
ENGLISH FORUM
Hello
this is a great poem
really great
the subject is very smart
the language is not bad the whole poem is one amazing visualization
and I adored the rhythm
but there were some errors
like in the title
when you start a sentence with a verb ,then it is an order.
you are ordering us to wear the mask
so, I think it should be I wear the mask or the mask I wear
then I was really surprised by the word Nay
I mean it's such an old word that I've only read in historical novels and I thought it was the street way of no but it turned out that it is magnification of a simple no and it was used in the old English by the likes of Shakespeare and Edgar Allan Poe and those really old writers
so I guess you read a lot of old stuff
there were some grammar and language errors
I wear the mask that grin and lie , but it should be (that grins and lies)
It hide my cheek , should be (hides)
that dept me push , should be that dept I push)
and I don't understand the push thing
I think you mean pay
when you said I sense it should be
(I feel)
like been captor
it should be (like I have been a captor)
all day tell the darkness , should be (all day till the darkness)
give you invite , should be (give you invitation)
you said in closure
and it should be in the end
closure may have the same meaning but it has different uses
and basically it means emotional end
but it still is a wonderful poem I just think it needs a little bit of refining
I wish you all the luck in the competition
|
24-06-12, 01:15 PM
جديد مواضيع قسم ENGLISH FORUM
العرض العادي
